Caine Mutiny, The - Herman Wouk [272]
“No, thanks, Willie-I’m not helpless-not physically. What are they calling me in the wardroom, Old Swandive?” His eyes glinted, and Willie couldn’t help laughing a little.
“Sir, everyone will have forgotten this thing in a week-including yourself-”
“I’ll remember it on my deathbed, if I die in a bed, or wherever I die. Everybody’s life pivots on one or maybe two moments. I had my moment this morning. Well- My mother didn’t raise her boy to be a soldier. I’m still a hell of a good writer, which is something. Whatever Barney Greenwald thought. He probably would have predicted I’d jump. Guess I jumped in the court-martial, too, though I still think I couldn’t have helped Steve any by- Well. Believe I’ll have a last shot if you won’t.” He closed his belt dexterously with one hand, poured, and drank. “It is a very curious feeling for me,” he said, “to be in a situation at last where words can change nothing. First time in my life, or I’m very much mistaken. Better shave, Willie.”
“Aye aye, Captain.”
“Hell, I guess you’ve earned the right to call me Tom again. Even Long Tom-I mean Lord Tom-I believe I am slightly fuzzy as of the moment. Nothing that a little fresh air in the gig won’t fix. Or do we still have a gig? I forget.”
“It looks pretty awful, Captain, but the motor still turns over-”
“Fine.” As Willie put his hand on the doorknob Keefer said, “By the way-” He fumbled in the bookshelf over the desk and pulled out a fat black binder. “Here’s the first twenty chapters of Multitudes. The rest of it is somewhat dampish. Like to look at it while you’re relaxing tonight?”
Willie was astonished. “Why-thanks, sir-I’d love to. I was beginning to think I’d have to buy it to get a look at it-”
“Well, hang you, Willie, I still expect you to buy it, don’t go gypping me on my royalties. Like to know what you think of it, though.”
“I’m sure I’ll like it very much, sir-”
“Well, bring that old comparative-lit mind to bear. And don’t spare my feelings out of military deference.”
“Aye aye, sir.” Willie went out with the binder under his arm, feeling as though he had lain hands on a top-secret document.
Late that night he wrote to May.
CHAPTER 39
A Love Letter
It was long after midnight when Willie closed Keefer’s manuscript, put it aside, and went to the ship’s office. Snapping on the yellow desk lamp, he bolted the door and uncovered the typewriter. There was dead silence in the airless room except for the muffled creaking of fenders between the hull and the side of the Pluto. (The Caine was alongside the tender for repairs.) In the drawer for paper he found some of the yeoman’s tattered pornography, and was amused by the fact that he didn’t feel like stopping to read it. He rolled paper into the machine and wrote in a steady rattle, never pausing.
DEAREST MAY,
If there’s one experience that’s been typical of my life on this ship, one memory I’ll always retain, it’s of being shaken out of my sleep. I guess I’ve been shaken out of my sleep a thousand times in the last two years. Well, I’ve been shaken out of my sleep regarding you, too, at last, and I only hope to God it’s not too late.
I know this letter is going to come as a bombshell to you. Read it, darling, and then decide whether it’s worth answering. For all I know, I mean no more to you now than any one of the dumb gawking customers at the Grotto. But I must write it.
There’s no point at this late date in apologizing for not writing for five months. You know why I didn’t write. I came to what I then thought was the highly noble conclusion that if I were going to break with you I ought to break clean and not torture you with any more double-talk correspondence. And since I had decided to duck out on you once for all because you weren’t good enough for me-God help me-I didn’t write.
I want you to be my wife. That’s why I’m writing again. I know this beyond any question, it’s the truth forever. I love you. I have never loved anyone, not even my parents, as I do you. I have loved you since the moment you took