Cambridge Blue - Alison Bruce [128]
Alice looked away, but Jackie jumped to her feet and forced herself back into her sister’s line of sight.
‘I need to know what I ever did to you, Alice. Why do you hate me so much? Why let me be the one that my whole family has believed is a killer? Why, Alice? I thought we were close once? Don’t I deserve the truth from you? Don’t I deserve to know why I’ve spent my whole life being terrified?’
A cold smile touched Alice’s lips. ‘No, you don’t.’
Jackie settled back into her seat. Did Alice really think she had anything to negotiate with? ‘Remember how it was me who comforted you each time you miscarried . . .’ She saw her sister’s surprise. ‘That’s right, Alice, how many times? Four? Five?’
Alice was quick to answer, her voice hushed. ‘Five.’
Jackie heard her own voice change. ‘All we want is our own baby, Jackie.’ She had repeated the words she’d heard her sister say so many times over the years, but a cruel and sarcastic note distorted her impression. ‘But you had him and you let Richard kill him. You never cried about that on my shoulder, did you?’
‘Jackie!’ Alice snapped out the name, expecting it to produce instant silence.
‘Alice!’ Jackie mimicked. ‘My mum was photographed the week before he was born, and she was as thin as a rake. David was your baby, then Richard killed him and you let him get away with it. You never gave a shit.’
‘Jackie, I’m warning you.’
‘No, Alice, you have nothing more to threaten me with. Everyone lied to me. I was the only one who thought that David was my brother. It wasn’t post-natal depression that my mother was suffering, it was the burden of covering up your pregnancy and your affair with Richard. You weren’t even her children, yet she was still trying to protect you. And Alex was protecting you both too.
‘But me, I’ve been cheated out of my whole family. Because of you, my own parents thought I’d smothered the baby.’
Something changed in Alice, less than a muscle move, an invisible nuance that made Jackie suddenly react. ‘What’s funny?’
Alice shook her head. ‘You really are laughable. Do you honestly think Alex would have grieved over a child that wasn’t his? Alex was creeping into my room regularly and your precious mother was too busy drinking herself stupid to notice.’
‘But you and Richard . . .’ Icy shock flushed Jackie’s veins, flooded her brain, orphaned her thoughts and left them staggering in numb circles.
‘Alex always knew you never killed David. Did you really think I chose to have a relationship with my own brother? I only turned to Richard because of Alex.’
Jackie heard herself make a sound, half gasp, half cry. But no words came.
‘Come on, Jackie, we both know we are the products of a disturbed home.’ Alice reached forward and stroked Jackie’s hand. ‘No point shaking your head like that. Your mother died and I had Richard, leaving our father with no one. You weren’t special, Jackie, you were just there. It was inevitable that Alex would want sex with you, too. He never loved Richard, but he always loved his girls. You deluded yourself into thinking he felt something for you, and in return you loved him in that first-big-romance way of yours. You were never enough for him, though. Never. He saw other women, like Victoria, and all he had to do then was make sure you stayed quiet. That’s why he kept his journals, that’s why he pretended you had killed David, and Joanne Reed. They were a means of potentially discrediting you.’
Jackie’s voice was barely audible. ‘No, he loved me.’
Alice leant closer. ‘No, he didn’t. He was perverted and corrupting. He abused you and you have twisted it around in your head into something it never was. It suited him to have you all to himself. It was also convenient for him to make you the scapegoat for David.’
The shock seemed to leave Jackie as quickly as it arrived. She knew that Goodhew was still in her corner, ever patient, never judging. He saw her as more than just a string of sordid revelations. She would come to terms