Candle in the Darkness - Lynn N. Austin [176]
“He accused you of some terrible things. Things I didn’t want to believe. He said he had proof. He showed me the book from your father’s library, the map he says you drew. I still don’t want to believe him. . . .” Charles could barely speak. “Listen now. If I ask you . . . will you tell me the truth?”
Caroline knew by the anguish on his face, the coldness in his voice, that if she told Charles the truth she would lose him. But she also knew that she could never hold on to his love or build a life with him based on a foundation of lies. She closed her eyes.
God, help me. Help me tell him the truth in a way that he’ll understand.
Then she looked at him. “I love you, Charles. I swear that I will never lie to you.”
He drew a ragged breath. “Father showed me the map Jere- miah used to escape. He showed me how it matched your book. . . .”
“I drew that map for my own servants. My father was planning to sell them, and I couldn’t let that happen. I drew it to help them escape . . . but that shouldn’t shock you, Charles. From the very first day we met you knew how much I hated slavery. And you also knew how much Eli and the others meant to me.”
“Five families were robbed of their slaves and their valuables while being entertained in your home—including my own family.” The anger in his voice was slowly rising. “Yes, I knew you believed in abolition, but I didn’t think you would encourage slaves to steal or to break the law by running away from their lawful owners.”
“I didn’t do any of those things. The map and the papers were intended for my own servants. I didn’t know that they would . . .” Caroline stopped, unwilling to incriminate Tessie or Eli with her words. “I don’t condone what they chose to do with the map. But I do understand why they did it. When freedom is just a few short miles away—”
“If your slaves were responsible, then they must be punished. Have you disciplined them for what they’ve done?”
“No. And I’m not going to. I’ll take the blame for their actions myself before I’ll ever allow them to be punished.”
His eyes flashed with anger. “Do you hear what you’re saying? Your slaves are involved in criminal activities, and you’re not going to stop them?”
“All of the servants who escaped were about to be separated from their loved ones or have their lives turned upside down— including your own slaves. We helped them escape because the greater wrong would have been to stand by and watch them suffer. No one was hurt in the escapes or the robberies. I’m sorry about the thefts, I don’t condone them, but . . .”
She stopped. Charles was shaking his head. Caroline knew he wasn’t hearing her, wasn’t understanding what she was trying to say. The silence that followed was terrible. She was afraid she might be sick.
When he spoke again, his voice was quiet, cold. “What about the prison break at Libby? Were you involved in any way?”
She had to force the words out of her mouth. “Yes. I was.”
“So, you lied to my father? And then you let me play the fool, defending your integrity?”
“It wasn’t like that, Charles—”
“What was it like, Caroline? You tell me. You lied when you told Father you had nothing to do with it, didn’t you? Did you lie about your relationship with that prisoner, too?”
“No.” Tears rolled silently down her face at the resentment in his voice, the distrust in his eyes where love had always been. “Robert has never been anything more to me than a friend.”
“Oh, really,” he said, scornfully. “Is he in love with you?”
Caroline hesitated, knowing what the truth would sound like. Charles saw her hesitation and said, “You promised you would tell me the truth, Caroline.”
“Robert says that he loves me. But I always made it very clear to him that I loved you, that we were engaged and—”
“Did you hide him from the authorities?”
She could only nod.
“Where? My father said they searched your house.”
Caroline saw his love slipping away like a ship sailing downriver, getting smaller and less distinct as it faded into the distance. There was nothing she could do to stop it.