Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [0]
Title Page
Dedication
Epigraph
Elmwood Springs, Missouri, Monday, April 1
The Nervous Niece
The Eyewitness
Norma Hits the Road
Verbena Gets the News
To Believe or Not to Believe
The Newspaper Woman
Oh No, Not That Robe!
The Waiting Room
Yoo Hoo!
The Doctor’s Report
Bad News Travels Fast
Linda Gets the Call
Going Over to Elner’s
Irene Goodnight
The Elevator Ride
Verbena Wheeler Spreads the News
Making Arrangements with Neva
A Surprise
The Cause of Death
A Sad Business
Macky Goes to See Elner
Where She Had Gone
Verbena Tells Cathy
A Heavenly Walk
Calling Dena, Palo Alto, California
Meeting the Husband
Norma’s Lady Minister
Telling Lies
Chatting with Raymond
Mrs. Franks, an Old Friend
What a Surprise, Huh?
A Comforting Message
Eating Cake
Saying a Final Good-bye
Nurse Calls Ruby Back
A Happier Time
She Did What?
After the MRI
A Doctor’s Dilemma
The Quiz
Where’s Elner?
The Arrangements
A Disturbing Call
Oh Dear…
A New Kitty
Nurse Boots
Welcome Home
Another New Day
The Visitors
Still Confused
The Jerk
A Troubled Sleep
The Report
The Unexplained
The Recipe
Going Home
Luther Comes Home
The Nose Has It!
Ask Me No Questions
Beauty Shop
Thank - You from Cathy
Easter at Elner’s
Falling in Love Again
The Letter
A Surprise for Linda
Going on a Trip
Norma Puts Her Foot Down
Back in Kansas City
Norma Gives Up
The Sunset Club
Learning the Ropes
A Visitor for Elner
Going Professional
Tot Still Telling It Like It Is
A Very Nice Cat
Something’s Wrong
Getting Ready
A Final Good-bye
The Family Bible
What Had Happened
The Repercussions
Another Easter
Gone Native!
Epilogue
Recipes
About the Author
Also by Fannie Flagg
Copyright
To my good friend
Peggy Hadley
There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
—ALBERT EINSTEIN
Elmwood Springs, Missouri, Monday, April 1
9:28 AM, 74 degrees and sunny
After Elner Shimfissle accidentally poked that wasps’ nest up in her fig tree, the last thing she remembered was thinking “Uh-oh.” Then, the next thing she knew, she was lying flat on her back in some hospital emergency room, wondering how in the world she had gotten there. There was no emergency room at the walk-in clinic at home, so she figured she had to be at least as far away as Kansas City. “Good Lord,” she thought. “Of all the crazy things to have happen this morning.” She had just wanted to pick a few figs and make a jar of fig preserves for that nice woman who had brought her a basket of tomatoes. And now here she was with some boy wearing a green shower cap and a green smock, looking down at her, all excited, talking a mile a minute to five other people running around the room, also in green shower caps, green smocks, and little green paper booties on their feet. Elner suddenly wondered why they weren’t wearing white anymore. When had they changed that rule? The last time she had been to a hospital was thirty-four years ago, when her niece, Norma, had given birth to Linda; they had all worn white then. Her next-door neighbor Ruby Robinson, a bona fide professional registered nurse, still wore white, with white shoes and stockings and her snappy little cap with the wing tips. Elner thought white looked more professional and doctorlike than the wrinkly, baggy green things these people had on, and it wasn’t even a pretty green to boot.
She had always loved a good neat uniform, but the last time her niece and her niece’s husband had taken her to the picture show, she had been disappointed to see that the movie ushers no longer wore uniforms. In fact, they didn’t even have ushers anymore; you had to find your own seat. “Oh well,” thought Elner, “they must have their reasons.”
Then she suddenly began to wonder if she had turned off her oven before she had gone out in the yard to pick figs; or if she had fed her cat, Sonny, his breakfast yet. She also wondered what that boy in the ugly green shower cap and those other people leaning over, busy poking