Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [34]
THE REST ASSURED FUNERAL HOME
Come to us in your time of need.
And be rest assured of receiving
The very best in funeral care
Because we care about you.
The phone in the mortuary office rang again. This time it was Merle’s wife, Verbena Wheeler, calling from the cleaners two blocks away.
“Neva, did you hear?”
“Yes, Tot just called. I just pulled her file.”
“Isn’t it horrible?”
“Terrible.”
“She was the sweetest thing.”
“She was.”
“It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“Ruby said she probably never knew what hit her.”
“That’s what Tot told me. At least she didn’t suffer.”
“That’s right.”
“We can be thankful for that at least.”
“Yes we can.”
“Anyhow, I thought I’d go ahead and get my flower order in early and beat the rush.”
“That’s probably a good idea.” Neva reached over for her floral order pad. “What do you want to send?”
“The usual, I guess.”
Neva wrote down “One medium azalea plant in ceramic pot.”
Verbena always sent a plant rather than flowers. She felt it could work at the viewing and again at the funeral, or be planted at the grave later on. She liked to give people options, like starch or no starch, or hangers or boxed.
“Same message?” asked Neva. “‘With our deepest sympathy, Merle and Verbena’?”
“Yes, might as well, I can never think of anything else to say other than that, can you?”
“No, that says it all.”
“I know Norma is sure going to miss her.”
“You know she will.”
“No matter how old they are when they go, or what shape they’re in, you always miss them. I remember how it was for me when we lost Momma Ditty, and then poor old Daddy Ditty in the same year.”
“Yes.”
“And then Aunt Dottie Ditty went the year after that, do you remember?”
“I do,” Neva said.
“We lost all three Dittys in less than two years, and I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I don’t miss them.”
“I’m sure.”
“When is the viewing?”
“I don’t know. Norma hasn’t called us yet, I don’t know when the body will be released. It could be as early as tonight or it could be tomorrow.”
Verbena sighed. “Well, I’ll see you over there…I just hate to have to get out that old funeral dress again, but that’s life, isn’t it?”
Neva hung up. She certainly remembered Verbena Wheeler’s aunt Dottie Ditty. How could she not? Dottie Ditty had been their most difficult decedent, and she and Arvis were still living with the consequences to this day. Aunt Dottie Ditty had weighed in at 328 pounds at the time of death, and had presented a challenge right from the get-go. Aside from having to special order a casket large enough, during pickup Arvis had suffered a ruptured hernia, plus a slipped disk in his lower back that was still giving him trouble. Although the general public might not be aware of it, the funeral business has its share of injuries, just like any other line of work that requires heavy lifting.
Neva walked over and opened the Elner Shimfissle file and read that at one time the “Lily of the Valley” style casket had been ordered, but had been canceled in 1987 when Elner had changed her mind about burial and had suddenly switched to cremation. Neva cringed. Not because they’d lost a casket sale, but she hated having to deal with the uproar cremation caused, particularly among the older Baptists and Methodists. They became extremely upset, almost unruly, when they were told that there was no body to view. A few had even demanded that the money for the flowers they had sent be returned. She remembered now that at the time, Elner had said she hadn’t switched to cremation to save money, she just loved the idea of disappearing in a flash of hot white light. She had said it seemed like a lot more fun than being embalmed.
Neva read on just to refresh her memory about the other details.
Service: Methodist
Rev. William Jenkins presiding
Hymn to be sung: “Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven”
Interlude: “Just Over the Stars”
Since she was the soprano and also the organist on twenty-four-hour call, Neva figured she’d better go into the chapel and brush up on the numbers. They didn’t get much call for the old