Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [55]
“Just a little while ago. I got stung by wasps and fell out of a tree, so please excuse the robe. How about yourself?”
“I was on my way to the dentist’s office when I just dropped out in the parking lot with a heart attack. It was good timing too, I was just about to fork over a fortune for new dentures.”
“Ahh…well…how are you, Ernest?”
“Oh, I’m just fine now. I had been sick, but I’ve never felt better in my whole life. This is the first time I’ve been able to play in years. Isn’t this just the best place?…I’m meeting with John Philip Sousa, the great bandmaster himself, in just a few minutes, he’s agreed to come over and give me some lessons. Isn’t that great?”
“Yes, it is. I guess it’s never too late to learn, even after you’re dead.”
He looked around. “And isn’t it good to see the old house again. When they tore it down, I thought it was gone forever. I thought when I died I was going to be gone forever too, but here I am. What a surprise, huh?”
“A pleasant surprise, and weren’t those crystal stairs just beautiful?”
He looked at her blankly. “What crystal stairs?”
Elner realized he must not have come that way, and asked, “How did you get up here?”
“I came up in a brand-new Cadillac convertible with heated seats!”
“Ahh, well…”
“Have you seen everybody yet?”
“No, not yet, just Ida so far, but I think I’m still in the checking-in part. If I pass that, then I think I’ll get to go on and see everybody else, and I can’t wait to see my husband, Will, again.”
Elner heard the front door slam, and said, “Well, I better go. I just wanted to say hey…and good luck with your lesson.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you later. Have fun.”
“Oh, I will,” she said. As Elner headed on out to the front porch, she chuckled to herself. Ernest had never struck her as being a particularly enthusiastic person before, but he seemed just tickled to death to be dead. Who would have ever believed it?
A Comforting Message
About an hour later, Macky was sitting with Norma, holding her hand trying to think of things to say to help, but after a while he was more or less at a loss for words and was very happy to see Norma’s Unity minister, Susie Hill, coming down the hall. When Norma looked up and saw her she burst into tears.
“Oh, Susie, she’s gone. I’ve lost Aunt Elner.”
The two women hugged. “I came as soon as I heard.”
Norma said, “I’m so glad you’re here, but how did you know, we haven’t called anybody at home yet?”
“Irene Goodnight called me and told me.”
“She did?” said a teary-eyed Norma. “How did she find out?”
“I think somebody from the hospital called Ruby.”
“I guess I should go and try to call people and let them know.”
Susie said, “It’s already been done, everybody knows and they all send you their love. Ruby and Tot said to tell you that they were taking care of Elner’s house, and for you not to worry about a thing.”
“Oh, I forgot about the house. I’m sure it was standing wide open. She never locked her doors.” Norma choked up again. “All this time I was worried about her being robbed and murdered in her bed, I never dreamed it would be wasps!” She wailed and fell apart again.
“I know, it’s a terrible loss, Norma, and I know you are going to miss her,” said Susie, “but at least we know she’s gone to a better place.”
“Oh, Susie, do you think so?” said Norma hopefully.
“Yes, I am sure that right now she is happy and at peace.”
Macky took this time to excuse himself and phone work and let them know he would not be coming back in for a few days. Although he certainly didn’t believe it, if it helped Norma to think that Aunt Elner was in heaven, fine. Let her. He had stopped believing in any of that pie-in-the-sky stuff years ago. He had been in the army and had seen men blown up, right beside him. He had seen far too much to have much faith in anything, other than the here and now. It would be nice to think that Elner was in some sort of heaven, but unfortunately, he knew better.
Eating Cake
A little while later, when Dorothy and Elner were outside on the front porch having their coffee and cake, Elner