Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [95]
“Hey, Luther,” she said. “What are you doing?”
Macky had just walked in from work when Norma met him at the door, with her car keys in her hand. “You are not going to believe what just happened. I was just getting ready to call you.”
“What?”
“That crazy Luther Griggs didn’t know Aunt Elner was still alive and ran his truck up in Merle’s yard and took out all his shrubs, and half of Irene Goodnight’s. They just called Triple A to come over and pull him out of the ditch.”
“Good God, was anybody hurt?”
“No, evidently just the shrubs. He was just scared to death I guess but we better go over there and make sure everything else is all right. What else is going to happen?”
They drove up in time to see the truck being lifted and pulled across Irene’s yard, taking out most of her rosebushes.
Irene was standing beside Cathy Calvert, who had walked down with her camera. “Dammit,” said Irene. “Why couldn’t they have pulled that truck back across Merle’s yard? His yard was already ruined. He isn’t even a Triple A member! I’m the one who called, and they take out my yard!”
Poor Luther was still shaken up pretty badly and was over at Ruby’s porch. Ruby had just brought him a shot of whisky. Elner sat with him and said, “I’m sorry to have given you such a fright, honey.”
He shook his head, almost in tears. “Whew. I had you dead and buried, and then to see you come out of your house like that…Man…it almost scared me to death.”
After Macky had walked over and surveyed the damage to both yards, he told Merle and Irene to come out to The Home Depot garden shop in the morning and he would make sure to replace what he could. Then he walked back over to Elner’s and sat on the porch.
After a while, when Luther had pulled himself together and was able to talk without bursting into tears, Macky said, “Luther, let’s take a little walk, OK?”
“Sure, Mr. Warren.”
“Excuse us, ladies,” he said. As he walked Luther around to the side of the house, Macky said quietly, “Let me ask you something, Luther. Did you leave a gun at Elner’s house?”
Luther seemed surprised. “A gun?”
“Yeah, a gun. I’m not going to turn you in or anything. Just tell me if you left a loaded .38 at her house.”
“No, sir. I’d tell you. I’m on probation. I can’t have a gun. I took a shotgun from Daddy’s trailer but they got that back.”
“Do you swear to God?”
“Yes, sir. I wouldn’t ever do that to Miss Elner, not in a hundred years. I was going to marry Bobbie Jo Newberry because Miss Elner wanted me to. I think the world of that lady, I’d never give her no loaded gun!”
Macky believed him, and if it wasn’t Luther’s, then whose gun was it?
The Nose Has It!
8:03 AM
The next morning when Norma woke up, Macky had already left for work. She yawned and went to the bathroom and was reading her “Good morning, this is God” message when she happened to glance at herself in the mirror. “MY GOD!” There were bright red spots all over her nose! Oh God. Well, here it was. The day had finally come, she had nose cancer. She immediately sat down on the floor of the bathroom, so she wouldn’t faint and hit her head. Oh no, they would probably have to remove her entire nose. She was going to be disfigured. “Why me, dear God? Why my face?” Norma thought. In high school Norma had never had a hint of acne, not one bump. Now she was being punished for it. She pulled herself up and looked again. They were still there! Not only was she going to lose her nose, it probably meant chemotherapy. There went all her hair! Oh God. “Be brave,” she thought. In times like this she tried to remember little Frieda Pushnik, who had been born with no arms and legs and had been carried around all her life on a pillow, but it did not help. She was terrified as she called the dermatologist, made an appointment, got dressed, and drove over to the beauty