Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [99]
MISSOURI FARM WOMAN, DEAD FOR FIVE HOURS SITS UP AND SINGS STAR SPANGLED BANNER!
Norma felt herself starting to faint and sat down on the floor before she hit the ground. Thankfully Louise Franks and her daughter Polly happened to be in line behind her and helped her up. The manager came over and they took her to the employee bathroom and sat her down on a chair and gave her a glass of water. When she could talk, she grabbed Louise’s hand and said, “I knew it. We’re ruined. We’re probably going to have to move out of the country now.” She wailed, “There goes my daughter’s career!” and sat sobbing in the chair. When Louise came back to the bathroom with the paper, and showed Norma the large photograph of the woman on the front page, she was thrilled to see the woman in the photo was NOT Aunt Elner!
After the male nurse had called in the story, the reporter from the tabloid assigned to cover it had called the local paper trying to get all the details, and had informed Cathy Calvert that she was willing to pay a lot of money for any cooperation Cathy could offer. After hearing the amount of money the woman was offering, Cathy had quickly and happily agreed to supply her with not only a story but a photograph of the woman as well. All the reporter had to do was agree to change the name of the woman and the town, and Cathy would give her the information for free. The reporter didn’t care about exact details or the validity of her sources. After all, The Inquiring Eye wasn’t The New York Times, and the reporter didn’t mind getting paid for work she did not have to do. Not only that, the gal wrote a hell of a good story to boot. That part about the old lady’s claiming she had been transported to another planet where all the women looked just like Heather Locklear was a great touch!
Finally after all these years, Cathy had found a way to pay Elner back for loaning her the thousand dollars. She had also spared Elner and the town from being overrun with all the crazies and the curious. The woman in the photo on the front page was Cathy Calvert’s grandmother on her father’s side, Leona Fortenberry, who had been dead for years, and had stayed dead as far as Cathy knew.
Norma recovered and went home, but in the excitement she forgot her sack of groceries. She was too embarrassed to go back and get them.
Easter at Elner’s
Elner and everyone else in town were so happy she had made it home in time for Easter. And this Easter turned out to be one of the best ones ever. The entire family flew in to spend it with her. Dena and Gerry flew in from California, and Linda and Apple came in from St. Louis. As usual, the day before Easter, Elner and Luther dyed over two hundred fifty eggs, and by sunrise on Easter morning, the two were out in the yard hiding them. Elner walked around the yard with the golden egg and thought about where she might hide it.
Norma got up early and ran out to the cemetery to put flowers on her parents’ grave, and when she got back, they all headed over to Elner’s house. The Easter egg hunt always started around twelve, but this year people had arrived with their children even earlier, and everyone was waiting in the front yard at 11:45 ready to go. When it was time, Elner stood on the porch and rang the old school bell, and about eighty little children with baskets along with Polly, Louise’s forty-two-year-old daughter, ran screaming and running at breakneck speed through the yard, while the grown-ups sat in lawn chairs and watched them. Sonny the cat had to run up a tree before he was trampled to death by the rushing hordes, and he sat there very unhappy-looking for the next hour. Louise Franks and Elner watched Polly as she ran giggling from place to place, along with five-year-old Apple by her side. As it turned out, one of Tot’s grandchildren found the golden egg, but as usual, Polly Franks received the biggest prize, a large stuffed rabbit that Elner and Louise had picked out the week before. Later that afternoon, after all the children except little Apple and Polly had gone