Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [91]
And then, all of a sudden, I hear this other voice in my head that reminds me over and over again of not what I feel, but what I know.
It might on certain days be buried deep down in my heart and have a hard time computing to my brain, but here is what I know and what I choose to believe, over and over again. I know God loves me and my family. I know God is sovereign and He knows what is best for us. I know He has our days numbered and makes no mistakes. I know that He will bring beauty from ashes . . . that is what I cling to in order to make it through another twenty-four hours.
Isaiah 53:3 kept going through my head the day of the accident: “He was . . . a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering.”
I said it over and over and over again. He is a Savior who took on the suffering for all of us. He knows what it is like to suffer! I love how The Message puts Psalm 30:5 – ”The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.”
I have to choose to believe this right now. I have cried so many tears mixed with the sadness of missing Maria and the joy of remembering her! I think when those tears get all mixed up together and fall, it has to water the dry places of our hearts and begin to slowly start healing us. If not, I would just wither up and die.
I believe that God has not wasted a single bucket of tears that have been cried for this brave little girl who so wanted her brother to put her on the monkey bars that day, and the brave young man who has chosen to allow God to begin to heal him and use him for His glory!
I can only begin to imagine the story and testimony that Will Franklin will have. But please, don’t stop praying for him. As with any tragic situation, there are good days and not so good days. We prayed for two miracles one year ago today . . . that Maria’s life would be spared and that Will’s life would be spared. God chose to bring a spunky little stinker named Maria to Him, while He needed a brave, heroic young man to begin to tell the testimony of how Christ is ministering mercy and peace to him.
There is no doubt in my mind that God will change lives through Will Franklin’s walk with Christ . . . so please, please, pray God’s protection over him, that he would continue to allow God’s healing power to pour over him!
I told someone yesterday that I feel as though I’m not just walking through a desert right now . . . I’m wandering in it with no clear path in front of me. It is a very desperate place to be, and on lots of days I’m strong on the outside but a mess on the inside. But I must hold on to the very real fact that Jesus has gone to prepare a place for me . . . that where He is, I will also be!
That is very, very good news . . . because my Maria is there in that big, big house . . . with lots and lots of rooms and food! I will see her again, and I will be with her then for far longer than I have to be without her now! It stinks on this side of the veil, and at times I’ve tied a knot on the end of my rope and am just barely hanging on . . . but I’m hanging!
I’m pretty certain that I am still on the journey of making peace with the fact that this tragedy happened to our family. Nonetheless, I’m journeying on. I am trusting that the Giver of life will bestow the wisdom and strength needed to journey faithfully to the end of my time here on earth, where I’ll hear and SEE Christ say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant!” And then I will run into the arms of that little Curious George who I’m sure will be standing there in her monkey underwear and nothing else but a big grin that makes it all okay!
I want to thank the thousands of you who have sent comments, emails, cards, letters, memorials. . . . We are completely humbled by your goodness and kindness to continue to lift us up