Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [95]
All I heard was silence as I begged God to let me hear her. Nothing.
Then in the distance I began to hear the voices of the little ones living in Maria’s Big House of Hope. Whether it was a giggle, cry, or babble, I began to realize that it was up to me to make a choice.
I’m not going to hear Maria’s voice again this side of heaven, unless I choose to hear it differently . . . in the voices of these little ones who are going to receive life-giving care in this facility. She is here . . . I have to believe . . . cheering us on because she SEEs fully what we still struggle to SEE. That God is working all things together for good for those who love Him. She knows how this story ends and what it will look like when we are all together again.
But until then, her voice will carry on in these precious, broken little people who are in the care of Maria’s Big House of Hope!
July 8, 2009
July 8, 2004: Steven, Shaoey, and I were handed the youngest Chapman. “Gotcha Day,” for those of you who don’t know, is the day that you receive your child in China. Sometimes the official adoption day is the same day, and sometimes it is a few days later.
At any rate, July 8, 2004, was Maria’s Gotcha Day. She was adopted a few days later . . . and our lives were changed forever and for the better!
This trip to China, while incredible and good and full of God’s love and grace, has also been full of memories of Maria being here, and all of the “what ifs” that the Enemy would like to throw at me. I gotta be honest, I’ve seen some hard things the last couple of days, and the empathy that I could have with these people because of my loss was an incredible gift, for the reason of being able to relate, but I found myself also being so angry at the simple question: “Why, God? Why so much suffering in the world? There are so many broken lives everywhere!”
I just would like to say . . . I am so sorry for anyone reading this who is suffering in some form or fashion. Be it health, spouse, child, financial, whatever the reason . . . loss and suffering are hard and very unpredictable. I still trust in the One who gave us Maria to love for such a short time, but I am also a person who trusts while doubting at the same time. I am just being honest. I pray to God that He would build my trust and that my doubting would turn to rejoicing in time.
Maria, you are and will always be my sunshine who makes me happy! I love you, Mommy
July 20, 2009
I was in complete shock when I saw how beautiful our friends had made Maria’s memory and Big House look! I have to admit, though, what I remember most about walking in wasn’t the beautiful painting as much as it was their smiles . . . so badly wanting me to approve and love it!
How could I not love it?
I still find myself walking around this place, named after my sweet Maria, begging God to rewind time, to change it back to the way it was even as I SEE the amazing things going on here. I know God understands this mama’s heart, because He is the One who gave it to me in the first place. But again, as I really stop . . . as I really listen, as I really observe . . . I SEE the good change and the God change that is taking place here.
Miracles happen every day. Some children live and receive life-giving medical care, and others are comforted as they live out their number of days this side of the veil.
In a strange way, I feel Maria closest to me when I spend time with the ones who are in hospice care. I can only imagine it is because these little ones are so close to seeing Jesus, and Maria is SEEing Jesus. I picture her there waiting to receive those little ones from MBHOH and usher them into the arms of Jesus!
July 24, 2009
I was standing in the lobby of Maria’s Big House looking at the finished artwork, when all of a sudden here they came: two new heart babies through the front door! I immediately reached out