Complete Care for Your Aging Cat - Amy Shojai [62]
Your children are most affected by the way parents, as role models, react. “When they see the parent afraid of death, they’re going to be frightened, too,” says Wallace Sife, PhD, a psychologist and president of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. Instead he advises parents to explain that all things must die, that even though cats live shorter lives, we become better people because of the wonderful love that we’ve shared. The younger your child is, the easier it will be for him to accept that death is a normal process, and that your cat will go to kitty heaven.
Dr. Sife warns that trying to help cushion the pain with euphemisms may backfire and terrify the child. “Parents will say, God wanted him so much that he had to take him. And the child then wonders, what about me? Doesn’t God love me?” He cautions that using terms like put to sleep could have serious ramifications when that child needs to be put to sleep for a tonsillectomy. “I have counseled terrified children because of this,” he says. Older children take less at face value. It’s much better and more truthful to place a special pet in a whole new category, where her memory lives on in our hearts to make us better people.
When children are old enough to truly understand, bring them into the decision-making process of euthanization. “The parent is going to decide,” he says, “but let the child feel they’re a part of it.” This is a decision based on love and connection with the cat that should be made by everyone who loves the cat, rather than the adults announcing what will happen without consulting the children.
It’s especially important that teenagers be included. They typically will oppose any decision made by parents, but they need to understand how the process works. If the teenagers strenuously object, put the decision on hold for a day or so for them to become used to the notion. “The feeling of working together, and memorializing the beloved pet, can even help unify families that are having problems,” says Dr. Sife. When mutual love drives the decision, there’s no conflict.
Right Time, Right Place
You have choices when deciding to end your cat’s life. Do you want to be present for the euthanasia? Or do you want to remember her as she was, and not be present for the end? “Having owners there is a culmination of the pet’s life,” says Dr. Garrett. “It’s a very peaceful process. They feel like they were with them to the last minute.” Veterinarians should respect your wishes, whatever you decide. “It’s very important to feel in the end that you had the sort of goodbye that you wanted.”
In some practices, veterinarians will euthanize animals at the owner’s home. If you feel that would be more comforting for your cat, don’t hesitate to ask. In nice weather, it’s even possible to have an outdoor euthanasia, says Dr. Garrett. Other owners don’t want to be reminded each time they walk into the room that Fluffy died there.
Euthanasia at home gives the other pets in the family the opportunity to say goodbye, and to understand what has happened. It sometimes helps them to see the body after she’s passed away, so they don’t spend days or weeks searching and crying for their lost friend. Grief in pets is technically considered to be an extreme form of separation anxiety.
If you prefer to bring your cat to the clinic for euthanasia and are worried about other pets grieving, ask if you can bring them along, suggests Dr. Garrett. She recommends you wait until after euthanasia, though. “The person’s whole attention should be spent on their pet that they’re saying goodbye to.” Another option is to take the body home and allow the other cats and dogs to investigate.
Some surviving cats and dogs howl and cry, while others don’t even sniff the body. Be prepared for any reaction, or no reaction at all. After she’s gone, the other pets may recognize the body is not the same cat anymore. Truly, the part that made her special has left.
In most cases, euthanasia takes place in the veterinarian