Complete Care for Your Aging Cat - Amy Shojai [65]
So how do you help someone who is hurting? What is the right thing to say to help a friend, comfort a family member, or guide your child through their grief? If you loved the cat, or are a pet owner yourself, you can relate to the pain from firsthand experience and can commiserate. If you’re not a pet owner, just ask how you can help. Tell them you know they’re experiencing something terrible, and that know you don’t really understand the depth of the pain. Tell them you care for them. Say you want to be there for them.
A supportive, nonjudgmental presence can be the most important ingredient in the healing process. Listen to cherished stories about the special cat—the way she always nibbled noses or pounced on toes each morning to wake them, how she’d chase the laser light forever, the way she snuggled into their lap and purred.
When you are the person in pain, please know that you are not alone. Every person reading this book loves or has loved a cat, and understands the grief of losing a beloved feline friend. You may feel a buzzing numbness, an aching absence that something priceless is gone from your world. It may catch you by surprise when entering a room—and she’s not lounging on the cat tree, or ambushing your ankle to greet you. Her food bowls are still on the kitchen floor, with the last bit of water or kibble she left behind. You put on a shoe—and find the sparkle-ball toy she hid inside, and burst into tears, knowing it’s the last time you’ll ever play a part in her game. Maybe you “feel” her leap onto the bed at night as you doze off to sleep, or “see” her out of the corners of your eyes. These are all normal experiences, and common to people who have shared a particularly close bond with their pet.
It’s normal to feel awful. It hurts like crazy, but you are not going nuts. Aren’t other things such as work, or people, supposed to be more important? No. Your cat and your grief for her loss are just as important. They’re important in a different way. She had a unique impact on your life, or you wouldn’t miss her the way you do. “It’s much better to validate those emotions than to just cover it up,” says Dr. Garrett. Always remember there is no guilt or shame in being a caring person. Never let anyone make you feel wrong for honoring your pet with tears.
The best help for grief-stricken pet owners is support from people who’ve experienced loss too. You are not alone. Talk about your feelings. Share stories about her with other pet lovers. Local veterinarians or animal shelters may offer grief support groups that meet in your area. A number of veterinary universities host pet loss support hotlines. If you are on the Internet, pet sites provide pet loss support groups where you can share stories, cry a little, receive—and give—support to other pet lovers going through the same emotional journey.
At times the grieving process becomes prolonged, and people need help to get through it. In fact, the loss of a pet may sometimes trigger other very deep-rooted and unresolved problems in the person’s life that they may not even recognize, or have repressed, says Dr. Sife. “Then they’re overwhelmed with grief, and they can only see it as the loss of the pet, which is intense by itself,” he says. “That’s where it takes a professional counselor who is professionally trained and capable of identifying and helping the person.”
Honoring the Memory
How you recognize your special cat’s death can help you get through the grieving process. You will need to decide what becomes of her body. When your cat was treated by a teaching hospital at a university, you may be asked about allowing an autopsy, especially if it’s an unusual case. This could be considered a legacy that will help the lives of other cats.
Your veterinarian should have suggestions for taking care of her body, and may provide services for clients who do not have the ability or resources to make other arrangements.