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By Root 262 0

large extent, I think my case got so much attention not because of concern about rape, or campus crime—there are, unfortunately, so many crimes like it—but because of the issue of forgiveness. Commentators seemed to think that because Beebe had apologized, I should have forgiven, and given up. There’s a Chinese proverb that says, “Without forgiveness, you may as well dig two graves—one for the person who has harmed you and one for yourself.” I agree with this. Holding anger in your heart will only make your life one of unhappiness, and forgiveness is a gift you give yourself every single day. I have forgiven my rapist, and it has let me live. But forgiveness does not begin to change what happened or to erase the memory of trauma, nor should it replace our country’s justice system. We should forgive, but we shouldn’t give up. We shouldn’t stop fighting for justice when a crime has been committed, or fighting to prevent such crimes in the first place.

Campus sexual assaults continue, at my alma mater and elsewhere, though universities often try to keep such things quiet, to protect their endowment and the reputation of the university. Rape statistics have little place in the glossy brochures distributed to potential students and alumni donors. These institutions are more willing to cite a student for underage alcohol use than for the felony of rape. The University of Virginia has updated its sexual assault policy since I was a student. Shamim Sisson, a dean at UVA at the time it adopted the new policy, was quoted in the Hook as saying that serving on the Sexual Assault Board was “a great learning experience.” But her comments made those of us who were trying to foster change at the university wonder exactly what lessons she had learned. She described the “real” problem as girls drinking so much at parties that they’re not in control, and said that alcohol education was the key to ending sexual violence. Unfortunately, this is a way of blaming victims, and putting the burden on women to prevent such crimes. There was no suggestion that heavy-drinking, potentially violent male students should receive interventions.

It’s a hard fact. One likes to think that if you go to one of the best universities in the country, filled with nice people from nice families, you will be safe and protected. But crimes do happen, and many universities are interested first and foremost in protecting themselves. When a college or university tells you, as they did me, “We are reviewing our policies,” it sometimes means, “Please do sit down, be quiet, and eventually go away.” When they say they’ve updated the policy, it means, “Look here—we’re doing just enough to make you sit down, be quiet, and eventually go away.” Question authority.

However, rape is not simply a university issue. Nor is it just a women’s issue. Rape occurs every day, everywhere. It’s a human rights issue and we all have a responsibility to take care of our friends, family, and children. To help them if it has happened. To listen and not judge. To assist in the healing. To open a dialogue and not shy away from the word “rape.” We owe that to survivors.

In September 2008 I gave birth to my second child, a child I had been told not to hope for, because of my age and my history and all the stress my body had been through. Ava got a baby brother: Leonardo Michael Seccuro, born on a Sunday afternoon to the soundtrack of Bruce Springsteen’s “Promised Land,” with a full head of blond hair, perfect tiny hands, and gorgeous blue eyes. Several months later, in the summer of 2009, my newly expanded family left our beloved Greenwich and settled in Alexandria, Virginia. Here, I am closer to those who work for victims’ rights on Capitol Hill. My own work as an advocate has just begun.

Shortly after Beebe’s release, I found myself back in the Hamptons. While driving through Amagansett, I had the worst panic attack of my life. I made Mike pull over and rolled in the grass like a madwoman, gulping for air. An hour later, I wandered into the aptly named Equilibrium surf shop. I had surfed before,