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By Root 211 0

but had never had proper lessons. They gave me the name of a surfing instructor, and I called. We met the next morning for paddling practice at a lake and bonded immediately; I told him right off the bat that I was a survivor of sexual assault. I began to train with him regularly. He made me laugh and took no excuses from me on those cold early mornings. The horrible panic attack that day in the car would become my salvation. Soon, I graduated from the lake back to the ocean. Board slung under my newly muscled arm, wet suit stripped halfway down, I became a warrior. There is a moment when the ocean first rises up behind you and you can feel no past, no future, just the gorgeous reality of the present as you are lifted up, find your balance, and ride the wave. There is no better feeling.

Acknowledgments

To my wonderful agent, Kate Lee of ICM: You took a chance that people would want to know my story and you shepherded me with such humor and sheer intelligence. To my Los Angeles agent, Josie Freedman of ICM, your e-mails make me smile and I love our visits. You are the real deal.

To my amazing editors at Bloomsbury, Kathy Belden and Rachel Mannheimer: You were so patient with me and waited so long for this work while Leo was arriving into the world. Thank you for your talent, encouragement, and shaping of my very emotional words into a meaningful work.

To Lindsay: This is for you, because of you. Sending you the most love and true meaning of honor.

To S. Daniel Carter and Jonathan Kassa at the nonprofit Security on Campus, Inc.: Thank you for opening my eyes and beginning my education. You were my first mentors on this journey. You make schools safer for children and help parents to rest easy. I know we have much work to do. And I’m proud to do it with you.

To Connie and the late Howard Clery: I think of Jeanne every day. Know that I respect your quest and that her death was not in vain. Thank you for sharing your pain with the world so that others may learn.

To Scott and Tori, founders of RAINN, and the warriors who run the best organization—Kate, Rachel, Elizabeth: I thank you for being there and showing this nation the best in advocacy and care. You make every bit of difference for countless survivors.

To Dan and Gil Harrington: Meeting you has been terrible, under the circumstances, but a great gift as you fight your fight. You and your family, including the beloved, late Morgan, teach me lessons in grace and humility each day. 2-4-1.

To Susan Russell: Thank you for crusading and for letting me into the life of your family and into your struggle. You and Katherine have shown such grace in the face of such adversity.

To Cherri Murphy, my victim advocate: What would I have done without you—your easy laugh, your calming and empowering voice, your words of common sense, blessing, and wisdom, your willingness to give so easily of yourself when I needed a shoulder? I am proud to call you “friend.”

To Claude Worrell: Your grace, intelligence, perseverance, and humor got me through eighteen months of trying times. You are such an asset to the people of Charlottesville and I hope they realize what they have in you. You worked endlessly with me and explained the convoluted system to us tirelessly. Please thank Kathryn and your children for us as well. You are like family to us. What you have done is change the face of what it means to be a rape victim. And you did it without fanfare in what became a media event. You also understood my need to speak out and be a voice for others. You are a true gentleman and I know you’ll continue to fight this fight for me and for others.

To Detective Nicholas Rudman: You are like a brother to me. Never have I witnessed such amazing police work, such complete and utter dedication to finding the answers and finding justice for us. I really don’t have the proper words to express my gratitude to you. You are a credit to the Charlottesville Police Department, the citizens of Charlottesville, and, of course, your family. I also wish to thank Sergeant Rick Hudson and Detectives