Crystal Lies - Melody Carlson [100]
I nodded. “Unfortunately, it’s a hard habit to break. Sometimes I don’t think the classes or even the books I read do me a speck of good. It’s so hard to step completely out of his life, Sherry. I mean he doesn’t really have anyone else to fall back on right now.”
“What’s going on with Geoffrey these days? Can’t he help out?”
“Oh, he’s perfectly willing to pay the big bucks to get Jacob into some fancy rehab place in Colorado. And, believe me, that would be wonderfid. I’d be the first one to jump up and down with joy. The only problem is that Jacob totally refuses to have anything to do with his father, including his generous offer. Jacob is certain that Geoffrey simply wants to get rid of him—an embarrassment, you know. And I suppose he may be right.”
“Well, I’m sure it’ll all work out…in time.” Sherry looked tired now, and I suspected this conversation had drained her even more.
“I’ve really missed you,” I told her as I began clearing the table. “And I’ve been reading the Bible verses you gave me, and I think its helping some.”
“Good for you.” She refilled her teacup. “Maybe I should start reading them myself. Practice what I preach, you know” I smiled. “I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt.”
“I heard that you’ve been going to my church.”
“See,” I told her,“I’ve been following your orders.”
“Good girl.”
“And you were right. It does help.”
She sighed. “God seems so far away from me now, Glennis. It’s as if there’s this wall between us.”
I placed a small plate of Delicato’s famous white-chocolate-and-macadamia-nut cookies on the table, then sat back down. “That’s how I felt too,” I confessed. “Back when everything in my life was falling apart.”
“But you’re over it now?”
“Over it? Yeah, I wish. Let’s just say that it’s slowly getting better. But, believe me, I have good days and bad days. I’m beginning to think it’s a matter of faith. Of choosing, you know.”
“Choosing what?” Her brow was creased with interest.
“Like to believe that God is really good despite everything.”
“And you’re able to do that?”
“I’m trying. That’s why I say it’s a matter of faith.”
She nodded. “I guess that makes sense.”
“I still have a hard time getting to sleep at night,” I admitted. “Or if I actually go to sleep, then I wake up in the wee hours of the morning feeling certain that Jacob is dead or dying.”
“I do that too.” She shook her head. “Only I realize it’s true. Matthew is dead.”
“But what about heaven, Sherry? Don’t you believe that Matthew is in heaven?”
“I try to believe it. But there are times—probably when my old fundamentalist upbringing raises its ugly head—when I worry about the way that he died, you know, out in a bar and drinking. And then I’m not so sure.
“But you know as well as anyone that Matthew had recommitted his heart—”
“Then why was he there that night, Glennis? Why was he getting so drunk that he wasn’t even thinking straight?”
“We all make mistakes,” I told her. “Surely you don’t think a loving God was up there shaking his finger at Matthew that night, saying, ‘Sorry, son, you blew it tonight. Can’t let you in?”
She sort of smiled now. “No, I can’t imagine a loving God saying that. Still, I can wish it had never happened.”
“Me, too.”
We talked some more, and then Sherry announced that it was time to go. “I promised to attend an annual sales meeting this afternoon. I’m really trying to get back into the swing of things,” she told me as she gathered up her coat and purse.
“That’s probably good.”
“This was really nice.” She smiled. “And I did notice that you fixed all of my favorite things.” She reached out and hugged me. “And I really appreciate all your encouragement today.”
“Well, I learned from the best,” I told her.
“And it seems like you’re really coming along,” she said as she walked to the door. “I think you’re going to make it after all, Glennis.” Then she said good-bye and left.
I wished I felt as certain as she did about my making it. Mostly I felt as though I’d put on a pretty good show for my best friend.