Crystal Lies - Melody Carlson [101]
Jacob made a quick appearance the following day. To my surprise he looked like he was doing okay. He told me that he’d just gotten a job at a video store and was staying with friends until he could afford a place of his own. “Sorry I didn’t call or anything,” he said.
“Is there a number where I can reach you?” I asked.
“No, there’s not a phone.”
“How about your work number?”
“Look, Mom, you don’t have to keep checking up on me. I can take care of myself.”
“But what if—”
“Really, I just stopped by to let you know I was okay. And I’m doing fine. So don’t worry, okay?”
I nodded but still felt unsure. I also remembered what Marcus had said as I realized that Jacob’s upbeat appearance might have more to do with being high than being healthy. “Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?” I asked.
“Is it Thanksgiving this week?”
“Yes. If you like, I could fix us a small turkey or something.”
He smiled. “Sure, Mom, that’d be nice. Maybe I could bring the guys from the band. I don’t think they have anything planned.”
“Yes,” I said eagerly. “I’d love to meet them. How many should I plan for?”
“There are six of us, counting me. But then Barry probably won’t come. I think he’s going to his girlfriend’s.”
“Great,” I told him. “What time do you think would be good?”
“Maybe in the afternoon,” he suggested. “Like around two or so.”
“That sounds perfect.”
Then he reached out and hugged me. “Thanks, Mom. That’ll be really cool.”
Already calculating where I could seat everyone in the tiny apartment, I knew it would be a squeeze. But I knew I could make it work. “This will be fun, Jacob,” I said.
“Well, I gotta go, Mom. I just wanted to let you know I was okay.”
“I appreciate it, Jacob. I really wish you’d stay in touch more.”
“I’ll try to do better, Mom,” he promised. “Life is looking good for me right now.”
I nodded.
“By the way, do you think I could borrow a couple of bucks?” he asked casually. “I’m kind of broke at the moment, and I promised Justin that I’d pay him back, but I don’t get paid until Friday.”
“I’m a little low,” I told him, which was only partially true. I actually had a fair amount of cash since I’d just been to the bank. But I was worried about giving him very much. Marcus had told us how anything more than ten dollars was enough for an addict to go out and get a hit of crystal meth. If the addict knew the right people, that is, and I had a feeling Jacob did. Marcus had explained how it was better to give food or clothes than actual cash. And also to avoid giving anything that could be sold or returned to a store for cash. I went into the bedroom and dug out a five and a couple of ones, plus some loose change. “Sorry,” I lied to my only son. “This is all I can spare right now.”
He looked disappointed but didn’t say as much. I felt certain he’d been expecting at least a twenty. Still, I reminded myself, I might not be able to get him to go to rehab, but I didn’t need to support his habit.
“I love you,” I said as he headed out the door.
“I love you too, Mom.”
After the door closed, I wondered if I should’ve asked him about rehab again. But then why bother? He knew that I desperately wanted him to go, that I was willing to drop everything to take him over, that I’d probably even sell my vital organs just to get him in. What good did it do to continually nag him? Perhaps it was better if I backed off a little. Maybe it would help him to see this need for himself.
All the various warnings I’d heard and read about codependency and enabling during these past few weeks seemed to be echoing through my brain. Naturally, that only made me feel totally inadequate as well as quite certain that some experts, including Marcus, might say I was a complete fool to give Jacob a single penny, not to mention my offer to fix Thanksgiving dinner for him and