Crystal Lies - Melody Carlson [116]
“I appreciate it.” Then I go back upstairs and sit down on the sofa and wonder what to do. But I am so tired and drained that all I can do is lie down and fall asleep. But it is a good sleep. Perhaps the best sleep I have ever had.
I’m surprised to wake at the sound of the phone’s loud ring, and just the same as before—as if nothing has changed at all—I rush for the phone, worried that it’s bad news.
“Hello?” I say breathlessly.
“Glennis,” Marcus says in a calm voice. “How are you doing?”
“Oh…” My relief is overcome by fear. “Is he still there?” I ask quickly. “Did Jacob stay?”
Marcus chuckles. “Yes. I thought you might be worried. He’s still here. He’s signed all of the appropriate forms and agreed to stay with us until he is well.”
I sigh now, deeply. I feel like maybe I can breathe again. “Thank you so much for calling,” I tell him. “Can you tell me how he’s doing?”
“Well, as you can imagine, it’s pretty rough at first. But the staff is used to this sort of thing. Don’t worry, Glennis. He’s getting the best treatment.”
“Good.” Still, I’m not sure. I feel personally responsible if anything goes wrong.
“I may even stick around here myself tonight,” he continues. “To keep an eye on things.”
“Really? Does that mean it’s serious? Is Jacob in any danger?”
“No, not really. But the first couple of days are always the hardest. And he’s got a lot of crud in his system. He must’ve really had some binge. Poor guy.”
“I’m so glad he agreed to stay.” I sit down in the rocking chair and feel my shoulders relax a bit. “I can hardly believe this is finally happening.”
“It usually takes a while for it to really sink in,” he says.
“It’s like I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“It’s time for you to take care of yourself, Glennis.”
“I know…” And I think I do know, but then I’m not sure.
“No, I mean really. You’ve been under an incredible amount of stress. And you’ve made some progress. But it’s time for you to get serious about your own welfare.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Whatever makes you feel good. Just take it easy, relax, unwind, let it soak in that Jacob is in recovery. Just breathe, Glennis.”
I almost laugh. “Do you know you’re the second person to say that to me today?”
“Who was the first?”
“Jack. He met me doing laundry.”
“Well, Jack is right.”
“Which reminds me,” I say. “My laundry is still in the washer downstairs.”
“Why don’t you just leave it?”
“The management doesn’t like it when you do that.”
“Well, remember what I said. Just enjoy this time, Glennis. Take it easy and don’t forget to breathe.”
“Thanks.”
I hang up the phone and put on my jacket and prepare to go down to the laundry room. But there in front of my door, just like before, is my basket with my dry and neatly folded laundry and a little note pinned on the top. “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.’ Psalm 91:1-2.”
I’m beginning to believe that there are, and have been, angels watching over me these past several months. I bring in my clean laundry and close the door, then sit down and contemplate some way I can show my appreciation to Jack.
When I was a little girl, growing up in my conservative and fundamentalist Christian home, I adhered to the belief that if I did everything just right, if I did my very best…then life would go well for me. Now I realize that may not be true. Oh, it’s not that I think I should throw in the towel and just give up. But I no longer see my life as predictable. I’ve given up on the expectation that my “good behavior” controls the outcome of my life. In fact, I think the only thing I really control (and I’m not even sure about this) is my own choices. And that’s it. But maybe that’s the way God wants it to be. Maybe this feeling of vulnerability and helplessness is what makes us keep running back to him. It works for me.
Tomorrow is Christmas.