Crystal Lies - Melody Carlson [93]
Finally he got in. “There are worse things, Mom.”
I nodded. “Yes, you’ve made me well aware of that.”
He turned and faced me. “Look, Mom, I don’t need this place. The people in there are a bunch of losers. Did you see them?”
“Who?”
“The patients.”
“But they’re in there for help,” I tried.
“But you should see them, Mom. They’re a mess. This one woman… she was like about forty and totally out of her head. She was in the detox area barfing her guts out. It was sick.”
“But she’s trying to get help,” I said.
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “She needs it.”
“But, Jacob—”
“I’m not like them, Mom. I’m not that messed up.”
“But you’re using—”
“I can stop anytime I want.” He nodded his head. “I can stop right now. In fact, I think I will. What day is it today?” I considered this. “I think it’s November 8.”
“Okay, then, on November 8 Jacob Harmon has officially quit using crystal meth. There, are you happy now?”
I didn’t know what to say. “I wish it could be that easy, Jacob.”
“It is that easy, Mom. Don’t you get it? I just quit. I kicked the habit. End of story. Watch me and you’ll see.”
“But, Jacob—”
“Don’t you believe in me, Mom? Don’t you think I have the will power to kick this thing on my own?”
“I don’t know…”
“Crud, Mom. I would think that you of all people would believe in me.”
“I do believe in you, Jacob. It’s just that I think you need some additional help. At least you could go to some meetings and—”
“That’s for losers. Look, I had a bad habit. I’ll admit to that. But it was just for fun. Recreational, you know. I’m done with it now. Really, you gotta trust me on this, Mom.”
I just shook my head. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I wanted to believe him. And I certainly didn’t want my lack of confidence to trip him up. Finally I nodded. “Okay, Jacob, I do believe you can do this. But are you sure you don’t want any help? What about Jack Smart downstairs? He’s such a nice guy Maybe you could go to AA with him.”
Jacob actually seemed to consider this. “Yeah, I suppose I could do that, Mom. Would it make you feel better if I did?”
I smiled. “I think it really would. And it couldn’t hurt, could it?”
He shrugged. “Probably not.”
“And Jack does seem kind of lonely. I’m sure he’d like to get to know you. I think he said the AA meetings are on Wednesday nights, but maybe you could stop by and ask him for the specifics. I wrote down his apartment number somewhere.”
I was rambling now, probably a result of stress and nerves as well as disappointment mixed with hope. But I realized there wasn’t much I could do besides move on. So I started the engine and began driving toward town. By now I knew enough to realize that this plan with Jack and AA probably wouldn’t work. But what else did I have? And, I asked myself, what if Jacob’s plan could work? What if Jacob and Jack formed a real friendship, and what if Jacob really opened up to the old guy and managed to work some things out? And what if AA meetings really helped Jacob? Maybe he’d come to accept that recovery groups weren’t so bad after all. Okay, it was a long shot, and someone like Marcus would probably think I was a fool to nurture such feeble hopes. But what can a mother do?
I have been wrong about so many things in life. Why was I surprised to find out I was wrong about Jacob? Again. Not only did he completely avoid every attempt made by Jack Smart to get him to attend an AA meeting, but he continued to deceive me over and over about what was really going on in his life. First, he told me he’d gotten a job at another gas station. False. Then he told me that he had to give up the job so Daniel’s band could perform at a local restaurant on weekends. Untrue.
But the worst lie of all was when he would look me straight in the eyes and swear that he was clean. He was convincing, too. And, of course, I wanted to believe him. Jacob put a great deal of effort into appearing credible. He was the master of cover-up and double-talk and smoke screens. And I fell for it. Again and again and again. As a result, I allowed him to