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She was standing in her quarters on the U.S.S. Hillings. Nothing unusual about that. Standing just outside the door was Ensign Yvonne Harper. Janeway was surprised to see the young woman.

"Yvonne, please come in. What can I do for you?"

Harper didn't move. She just stared at Janeway, her brown eyes dark and unreadable. "I don't want to come in. And there's nothing you can do for me. You've already done enough."

"I don't understand."

"My legs," Harper said softly. "They're artificial."

Janeway had known that Harper's legs would have to be removed. They had been far too badly crushed, and too long a time had passed to repair them. She had been sorry for the woman, but she knew several Federation veterans who had artificial limbs. Some of them bragged that they were better than the real ones. Most could barely tell the difference when they thought about it at all. She opened her mouth, but Harper pressed on.

"And my face. It's all reconstructed. My face Her voice trailed off and one hand went to her nose, her cheek. Janeway couldn't tell the difference. Harper was an uncommonly lovely woman. Janeway had always felt she herself was attractive enough, but knew she was no striking beauty. She'd never wanted to be.

"You're so pretty, Yvonne," she said softly. "No one could tell that-"

"Shut up!" Janeway stared. Yvonne was getting worked up now. "That's not the worst of it. Do you know what happened to me out there? Do you know? Did they tell you, tell everyone? You left me out there, Kathryn, you left me out there buried beneath rocks and stones while you spent all your time with Pakriti. And do you know what that did to me?"

A sob shook her and she replied in a thick voice, "/ lost my child!"

Janeway felt as if she'd been slapped in the face. She didn't even know Yvonne was pregnant The lieutenant would never have been sent on such a dangerous mission if Janeway had known. Yvonne had been married only a few months and had never requested special assignments. How was anyone to know?

"Oh, Yvonne," Janeway said, compassion flooding her. She took a step toward the woman, reached out her arms to embrace her. "I'm so sorry, I-"

Yvonne twisted to evade Janeway's touch. Her eyes weren't dull and empty anymore. They were filled with hate. "I'm leaving. I'm leaving Starfleet, and I'm probably leaving James too. I can't be around... I can't... Oh, God, Kathryn, didn't you hear me calling? Why didn't you come for me ? "

The answers were right out of Starfleet regulations. They sat, unsaid, on Janeway's lips. Pakriti was closer. You went to help the one that was closest, that's how it was done. She didn't know Harper was the more gravely injured, certainly didn't know that Harper carried a new life within her that had been lost because of the injury.

Later, Janeway would hear, through whispered rumors, that Harper had gone into a mental hospital after an attempted suicide. It might have been rumor, it might not. She could never bring herself to check and find out

"Why didn't you come for me?" Yvonne's wrists were bloody. "Why did you leave me?" Now her

face was burned with a self-inflicted phaser blast. "Why?" A thin line ran across her throat from the rope she'd hanged herself with. "Your decision. Your decision."

"No!" Captain Kathryn Janeway bolted upright. She had clutched the sheets in a death grip and her fingers ached. Tears were wet on her face, and her throat hurt from the scream of protest. She was covered in sweat There was no volcano, no Billings, no Pakriti, no Yvonne Harper, dead or alive. Only a hot, stifling room and the cold, wet sensation of the washcloth she'd dampened and pressed to her forehead to ease away a headache caused by mutated dark matter rampaging through her system.

Shaking, she got to her feet "Lights," she called, in a rasping voice. With hands that trembled, she splashed water on her face and, puffy-eyed, gazed at her haunted expression in the mirror.

Janeway had dealt with this particular memory before. She