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By Root 560 0

had locked it away in a comer of her mind for many years. She'd spent many hours examining her decision and was at peace with it She could have done nothing else. She didn't know how badly Yvonne had been injured, or that she was pregnant. She knew in her heart that she would do the same thing again. Janeway had welcomed the lesson it had taught her, if not the bitterness mat went with it Except now-Now, the dark matter that had lodged inside her was stimulating this, one of the worst memories of her life. It was putting her through it again, and

again, and again. Forcing her to relive it, make the same choice over and over, never learning, never finding peace, only the racking grief, the torment, the guilt, and the simple stark horror of what had happened. There was no lesson here, no good that would come out of mis agonizing replay-only pain.

She looked ten years older. As Janeway met her eyes in the reflection, she said softly, with deeply felt emotion, "Dammit. Dammit all to hell."

"Verrak to Chairman Kaleh."

Verrak's smooth voice jolted Jekri out of a troubled, fitful doze. She had not intended to fall asleep in Telek R'Mor's bed, but she was more exhausted than she had thought She came immediately awake, hand on her disruptor.

"Jekri here. What is it, Subcommander?"

"I think you'll want to see this."

Unbidden, a smile crept across Jekri's face. "You've cracked the code."

"Excellent," came a voice from a shadowed corner. Jekri leaped to her feet, disruptor drawn. Lhiau stepped forward-how had he gotten in here?-and nodded. "It certainly took you long enough."

"I didn't notice any Shepherds offering to lend their skills," she shot back, keeping her voice level. Lip curling in disgust, she sheathed her disruptor with exaggerated movements, showing this alien intruder just how little she feared him.

"That's not our job," he replied. "Let us go and

see what your slow but diligent subcommander has found out."

It turned out that Verrak and his team had found a key that totally shattered the encryption system. Telek R'Mor, fine scientist though he inarguably was, was not trained in the techniques of espionage. Any junior member of the Tal Shiar would have known to have at least a triple encryption system, if not a quadruple. But, though R'Mor's first layer of encryption had been sufficiently imaginative to thwart Jekri's codebreakers for several hours, once it had been cracked, there was nothing else to decipher. It was all there, laid bare to their hungry gazes-all the information they could possibly require.

"Fool," said Jekri under her breath, addressing the absent Telek. "We'll find you soon enough."

"I certainly do hope so," said Lhiau. "Your incompetence has squandered too much precious time already."

Jekri knew she needed to bite her tongue. Seated at the console, Verrak tensed, and she laid a warning hand on his shoulder. His muscles were knotted with anger, but beneath her small hand, she felt him force himself to relax. Yes, this was best. Still, she sympathized with her subcommander's obvious desire to throttle the insolent ambassador. She sympathized a great deal. Instead, with an effort, she triumphed over her gut emotions and leaned forward to see the screen.

'Telek has combined his personal thoughts with his notes," she said, her gray gaze flickering over the

words. "Why, he doesn't seem to have approved of you, Ambassador. I cannot imagine why."

Lhiau pursed his red, full lips and said nothing.

"There seems to be nothing to indicate that he planned to defect," said Verrak. 'Perhaps he didn't."

Jekri turned her head sharply to gaze at Verrak. "I saw him materialize on the bridge of the Starship, as did you."

To his credit, Verrak didn't immediately back down hi the face of his superior's rising anger. It was one of the reasons Jekri had kept him on as her subcommander. When he thought he was right, Verrak could hold his own against anyone, even her.

"The Federation captain could have kidnapped him,"