Discardia_ More Life, Less Stuff - Dinah Sanders [39]
If it’s not right for you now, get rid of it. Give yourself the payoff of having it gone without worrying about whether you should have found a new home for it or made money selling it. Think of it this way: Goodwill is like a spa where things relax before they move to a new home.
Let go of sunk costs and take the rewards inherent in having less of the wrong stuff in your way.
Symptom #14: Hounded By Worry and Fear
Solution #14: Take Your Chances and Cut Your Losses
Your brain produces thoughts in a stream of narrative just like—and I’m going to use an awful simile here, but it’s apt—just like your intestines produce excrement. You’ve got a lot of crap in your head and most of it isn’t true.
—Martha Beck, sociologist and therapist
Emotions are real, but dangers may not be
Fear can stand between you and a life in which you’d be happier. If you fear change, it can be a lot harder to let go of things. When you’re feeling resistance about your life being different, try personifying your fear. Imagine a little scaredy-cat person about three feet tall, with perky ears and a cute black spot over one eye. Picture yourself showing it the better possibility that it is reluctant to approach, and take a good look at what it is clinging to instead. Calm it down, pick it up, and carry it gently forward to where you want to go.
“See? It’s not so bad.”
You probably won’t turn it into a brave, change-loving, life-optimizing adventure cat right away, but that’s fine. Acknowledge that the feelings are real, even if the dangers aren’t.
Only fight the real battles
Faced with an area of your life that seems to lure you into frequent worrying? Watch out for worrying about multiple incompatible outcomes and thinking you'll need to have the strength to weather them all. The best way to get yourself through future hardship is not to make yourself a wreck right now. Have the conversation that tests the factual basis for your fears. Spend your mental energy working on solving real—not imaginary—issues.
For each worry, find one small tangible thing you can do to make it less likely or less harmful should it become real. Remember that you don't have to solve everything all at once. A step in the right direction is a good thing and better than being a deer in the headlights. Decide on a positive action and let yourself move ahead.
Don’t forget to ask, “What’s the problem I solved in order to have this one?”
Give yourself credit for the progress you’ve made.
Begin!
It’s important to let yourself stop when things aren’t right for you, but it’s even more important to let yourself start without worrying that you have to be perfect. Why are you still sharpening your crayons when you should have already started coloring? Simply begin.
When there's something that you know you really want to do—and circumstances are all lined up to support it—but it's a really big leap, ask yourself if the regret from not doing it will outweigh the risks if you do. It's good to plan, have safety nets, and keep yourself from becoming overextended in general, but sometimes it is the right time to stretch. Don't avoid something just because you're afraid to fail or you’re being afraid to succeed.
If a great opportunity falls in your lap but would be tricky to bring off successfully, see if there's a way you can give it a try while maintaining an escape plan. If so, set up the timeline for when you will definitely proceed with it or will use that exit. Then, go for it. When you're trying to make a project come together, be sure to weigh regularly the work required, the time remaining, and the chances for success. If the picture gets bleak, instead of exhausting yourself for a poor result, choose one of these options:
Scale the project back to make it achievable with the originally planned amount of work in the time remaining;
Extend the deadline to allow you to fit in more work at