Discardia_ More Life, Less Stuff - Dinah Sanders [57]
You do not need to maintain a physical museum of everything you or your kids touch. Take photos of those Lego creations then break the pieces apart and tell new stories. Scan or photograph that artwork and use it for your computer screensaver or desktop. You can print it out again in a pinch. Convert atoms to bits where possible and give yourself permission to forget. Participation rather than preservation is often the better goal.
What about presents?
So someone gave you something and either you didn't want to keep it from the start or you've outgrown it in one sense or another. Tell me: When you visit the homes of your friends and family, do you check to see if your past gifts are in use? If they aren't, are you more likely to be hurt and upset with them than think, “Hmm, whoops, guess that wasn't really the right thing; I'll try a gift certificate next time”? If the answer to both questions is “yes,” consider yourself spanked and cut it out. It isn't doing you or anyone else any good.
How can you part with unwanted gifts without considering it an insult to the giver? Give everyone permission not to be able to read your mind and give yourself (and others) permission to change. The intent of gift giving is to make someone feel good or to repay a social obligation. Recognize the act and the intent. Perhaps keep the gift around for a courteous amount of time, but on no account lie excessively about how much you like things you don't like because you’ll set yourself up for a matching bad gift the next time.
Once you have observed the necessary niceties enough to communicate your gratitude for the intent, part with unwanted gifts without guilt. Disposing of them may require more discretion than with other things—the yard sale that the giver is likely to attend is a bad method, but the bottom of your Goodwill bag covered by that shirt that doesn't fit anymore is just dandy. Quietly get rid of it and if the giver asks about it later, say something about your appreciation of the occasion and their thoughtfulness. If you’re worried that they’re going to give you another equally undesired gift, you may want to confess that it didn't go with your other things.
Note: A great deal of hard work was put into some gifts. For these, it is most honest to come clean and let the giver have the opportunity to take back their artistic efforts rather than sneakily disposing of it. Bite the bullet and say, "I really appreciate your making me something so special. I am impressed by your thoughtfulness. Unfortunately, this painting just doesn't fit with the rest of my decor/I don't wear the color of this hand-knit sweater/I'm allergic to taxidermied animals … " Whatever. It might be a rough conversation, but it's better hearing them say, “You gave away my masterpiece to Goodwill?” or “You lied to me about having kept it!”
How do you get better gifts? Tell people what you want, especially if what you want is nothing. Also, for those whose perception of your tastes is consistently dead wrong (or for everyone if you're planning a cross-country move), let them know that you really want an experience, like dinner or some movie tickets, or, even safer, a donation to one of your favorite charities.
Symptom #22: Needless Obligation
Solution #22: Remember What’s Optional
The truly free person is one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. Learn to say no simply: “Sorry. I won't be able to join you.” Period.
—Elaine St. James, author and simplicity guru
Overexpectant
Don’t let imaginary obligations stress