Discardia_ More Life, Less Stuff - Dinah Sanders [58]
Sometimes we act as though we have a lot more loaded on ourselves than we really do. We set up these expectations—not even with others, necessarily, but with ourselves—that can then prevent us from meeting real deadlines without feeling overwhelmed.
Yes, it's good to set goals and keep up with them. Yes, it leads to improved skills or other benefits. However, ya don't gotta do it all! Think about how required your “must do” things really are. Overcommitted? Check your to-do's for any items better described as “Someone else can do it better,” “Someone else can do it just fine,” and “It no longer needs to be done.”
Discardian and creative and cultural industry consultant Helga Henry described her process of doing this: “I got rid of some mental clutter. There were a couple of projects I wasn't getting on with. Week after week, incomplete tasks from this project got transferred from one to-do list to the next. My heart sank each time I thought about them. Why were they dragging me down—why couldn't I muster up the energy to do quite simple tasks like make a call or write an email about them?
“Well, when I took time to think about it—it was because they were not really MY projects. They were initiatives that I felt that I ‘ought’ to do, or that I took on because I wanted to feel or be useful. I had no real passion (an overused word, but I mean it in this context) or desire to achieve the goals of these projects. On one project because, actually, I think the moment had passed and what was originally a good idea had been overtaken by events and on the other because I was in a group that seemed to be a bit indecisive and I wanted to make something happen so just agreed to a heap of actions because I was annoyed.
“Once I had seen this—I took steps to give those projects back. I didn't just abandon them, but I made it clear what actions I was going to take to hand over responsibility and then I handed them over. I immediately felt better.”
Graciously decline to overload yourself
Things that you have to do by a certain time or on a certain day will sometimes add up to a large list. This is the time to make an agreement with yourself to put other things on hold. If a low-stress window comes along while those things are set aside and you feel like doing one of them, that’s great, but do not feel a speck of guilt over making a plan to opt out of optional activities for a set period of time. If you’re worried about losing track of these desires and ideas put them on your someday-maybe list and look at them again later. Keep yourself happy and relaxed and rewarded now.
A big part of remembering what’s optional is the art of saying “no.” Being clear with yourself about your priorities and realistic about your available time allows you to make smart decisions about whether something can fit into your world right now or not.
Quality over quantity is a great principle to follow in food and drink, as well as in how much you try to fit into your calendar or the goals on which you’re actively working. Remember the difference between “have to” and “want to.” Stressing out should never be on your have-to list.
My mother lives in a remote area and is a member of a book group in her old college town many hours away. In a letter, along with news of car repairs for one of the family vehicles, she described this moment of internal debate: “On the drive home from the mechanic, I suddenly realized that it made every kind of sense to skip the book group this time. The van is not comfortable for me to drive for long distances, and also if I took it, Paul would be without transportation for two days. And I really felt like going to sleep fairly early, not staying up late to finish the book. By the time I got home I was convinced, and I've continued to feel very good about that decision—in fact every little while a wave of elation sweeps over me, with the realization that