Discardia_ More Life, Less Stuff - Dinah Sanders [72]
As you help others, know that they don’t have to go it alone; remember to give yourself that gift, too. Make time to be around people you love. Even if it's just for a quick cup of coffee and commiseration, or 20 minutes on the phone in the middle of a hectic week, take a drink from that well of affection and friendship and support.
Diversify your emotional support portfolio
It’s a good idea to have more than one supportive well to help sustain you. Even enormously personal and deep things can change, and some friends may not be ready for that difference right away or ever. Fully follow your values, even when it means as profound a shift as discarding your affiliation with the church in which you've been for six decades.
Former president and human rights worker Jimmy Carter took that significant step when he left the Southern Baptist Convention because they do not recognize the fundamental equality of women. It takes incredible courage to let go of a bias with which you were raised and to step away from a community of support, but sometimes it is the only way to grow and to teach.
There is an anecdote in business lore in which the chief financial officer says to the chief executive officer, “What happens if we invest in developing our people and they leave us?” The CEO replies, “What happens if we don't, and they stay?”
What happens if you invest in who you really are and it changes everything? What happens if you don’t and nothing changes?
Accept the finite
As ripe as the future may seem, the true potential is in the present. That is when we need to act to take our lives in the direction we want to go. At some point, your days of having choices will run out. Someone else is going to decide for you. That’s the lesson I learned cleaning out my grandmother’s apartment when her health failed and she moved into a nursing home. Somebody will be whittling down everything you own to the essentials. Perhaps you’ll be lucky and that person will know you well or will be following your instructions, but, one way or another, you’ll get the big reminder that we are not immortal.
Our time in this world is brief so spend it where it matters to you and not where it doesn't. Make a commitment to give yourself a life that brings you more satisfaction. What could our days be like if we focus more on what really matters to us and carve away, patiently, inexorably, that which blocks us from being who we want to be? If this stuff doesn't really matter when we pare our lives down to the essentials, why do we choose to clutter our homes and minds with it until then? Why bury the truly important stuff beneath all this fluff?
The truly important stuff
Love life and your friends fiercely. If you have to let go of everything else to get a good hold on this, do it.
Care. Madly, passionately.
Be yourself. There's no such thing as “larger than life”; be fully alive and present and true. It doesn't get more important than that.
Laugh. Loud, long, often.
Smile. Get other people to do it, too.
Be kind. Randomly, bewilderingly, unexpectedly, sweetly.
Keep being inspired by those who’ve made your world better.
One of the most decent people I know, MetaFilter community creator Matt Haughey, said, “It sounds simple and trite but the most important thing seems to be just living a life with joy in it. Bonus if filled with joy.”
Nothing is stopping you from doing something good and true, be it small or big.
Part Four
December Discardia: Core Principle #3—Perpetual Upgrade
20/20 hindsight
When Discardia comes around in December on that shortest day—the winter solstice—celebrate by releasing yourself from a self-imposed deadline and giving thanks for what is good in the world. In addition, let this also be the season of giving yourself what you need to be truly joyful and just plain happy.
Look back on your year and see how things compare to last December. Recognize and enjoy the improvements you’ve made in your world.
What has provided you with the most satisfaction?
Can you do more in that area to