Discardia_ More Life, Less Stuff - Dinah Sanders [75]
The days leading up to Christmas proper were very exciting. On Christmas Eve, we each opened one package. On Christmas morning, everyone would gather—after digging into stockings upon waking—for the main opening of the presents, which was done one package at a time rather than en masse.
There were, as I said, a great many presents. So many, in fact, that in generous years (or in ones where many small gifts made up for few large ones), we would take a break in the process of opening them in order to have brunch and fortify ourselves. All this makes us sound fabulously wealthy; we were not. We just liked Christmas. For all the pleasures, though, it left us exhausted and broke.
Add up all the stuff—decorations, stockings, tree stands, draperies, strings of lights, and special plates for special meals—and we haven’t even come to the presents themselves yet. At some point, my family began to see the forest instead of the Christmas trees. We realized that, despite all our rituals around the presents, our pleasure had almost nothing to do with the money that was spent, or even with the number of gifts.
We began to lower the pressure on ourselves and shift our focus to the less stress-inducing parts of the holiday. We started this by saying that everyone deserved one big present, but that we shouldn’t all buy extras just to make sure that everyone got one. We decided to draw names so that we each knew for whom we were shopping for their big present. Drawing names worked very well and we transitioned from definitely buying something small for every person to only getting other gifts if particularly inspired.
As the number of presents declined, so did our stress levels in December. That turned out to be the nicest gift we could give each other. We began to have more energy and time for just being together on the holiday while cooking, talking, singing, reading aloud, and taking walks. Before many more years passed, we were down to a few presents each. The habit of opening a present on Christmas Eve faded and was replaced with experiential gifts to be shared, like a new jigsaw puzzle or a bunch of fancy cheeses to try. Now the presents are optional.
Our holiday memories are more—not less—rich for having fewer things involved in the season. Our homes are less cluttered, causing the chosen items we do keep to stand out and enrich our lives more easily. We remember and celebrate family and friends through digital pictures and stories, rather than objects, and our days are happier for it.
As I enter my holiday vacation time each year now, it’s clear that the biggest gift my family has given each other is freedom from obligation. The real gift and the real focus are being together. We have traded presents for presence.
Symptom #29: No Home Position
Solution #29: A Room of One’s Own
A house is a machine to live in and from which all superfluous and irritating ornaments should be banished.
—A. L. Sadler, professor of oriental studies
Does your home support you in doing what you love?
As you focus on only the best parts of the holidays, take some time to mull over what you love to do now and in general:
Are you planning to get out and do some backpacking this year? Think about where you keep your equipment. If it’s buried in the basement or the back of a closet, or scattered around the place, store it in a more convenient and organized way so you don't have a roadblock to getting out of town.
Love to cook but your kitchen is a disaster area? Well, maybe it's time