Distant Shores - Marco Palmieri [105]
Chakotay’s reassuring gaze told her in no uncertain terms that he knew how much this revelation was costing her. He remained silent, letting her take the time she needed to explain.
“I lost my father and the first true love of my life on the same day. The three of us were testing a new shuttle. I was the only one who survived the crash. But for a long time, I didn’t think I would. I didn’t think I wanted to.”
“Kathryn, I’m so sorry,” he murmured softly.
She went on as if she hadn’t heard him.
“After I lost Justin, I never expected to feel what I felt for him with another man. And I didn’t, not even with Mark. I could accept that. Love doesn’t have to be an overwhelming force of nature to be worth building a life around. But then I met you. The way you make me feel… the things that move in me when I let myself imagine everything we could have… it isn’t a safe love… a love I can control. It’s the other kind. It’s what I had with Justin. I lost that once. It wasn’t my fault, and it still almost destroyed me. That’s what I’d be risking, for a soft place to rest my head at night. So you tell me. You still think it’s worth the risk, while I’m trying to get this ship home?”
She started to choke on her tears as she went on, “I’m not saying never… I’m saying not now… not until I’m no longer responsible for your life.”
Finally, he reached for her hand. She didn’t pull away, accepting the comfort they both found there.
When he spoke, his voice sounded disconnected, as if the ties that bound his heart to hers were already beginning to unravel.
“There’s a legend among my people…” he began, noticing that she raised a skeptical eyebrow at his words.
“Is this a real legend?” she asked.
“This one is,” he replied. “I promise. I never really understood it, until now.
“A warrior loved a woman called Isabo. He asked the spirits to help him win her heart. The spirit who answered him was the trickster, the coyote. He gave the warrior a beautiful shirt to give to her. The coyote told him that once she put it on, her heart would burn forever with the fire of the love he felt for her. But the coyote also told him to take care, because once she put it on, there were no human hands that could remove it. Isabo took the shirt, and agreed to wear it. The moment she put it on, she felt as if her heart were being consumed by flames. The pain was unbearable. The only way the warrior could save her, was to love her less. But he couldn’t. Unable to endure the pain, she threw herself into the fire of their camp, and he watched in agony as her body began to burn, along with the fabric of the shirt. The only relief she could find was in death. The warrior never forgave himself, and never loved again.”
Kathryn sighed deeply. “Charming story,” she finally said.
“Isn’t it?” he answered.
They sat in silence for a few moments, the weight of unavoidable acceptance hanging heavy between them.
Chakotay finally broke the silence. “Are you still glad I brought you to Venice?”
Her face softened with a hint of a smile. “Actually, I am. I think it’s good for two people who mean as much to each other as we do, to know exactly where we stand.”
He nodded, then asked, “Have you ever seen the real thing?”
“No,” she replied.
“Then I’ll take you there, after we get home,” he said with a smile.
“I’ll look forward to it,” she said.
As she rose to go, she considered the mirror that still sat between them. Picking it up to admire it one last time, she handed it back to him.
“I can’t accept this… at least, not now.”
He looked as though he wanted to take issue with that decision as well, but then answered resignedly, “I know,” and accepted the mirror from her.
Chakotay sat staring into the mirror for several minutes after