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‘But Tommy is extremely knowledgeable about the Earth section,’ Eve said. ‘He was responsible for collecting many of the most recent specimens.’

‘Team leader, Earth projects,’ Tommy clarified. ‘I’m one of the museum’s collection agents. Come on, I’ll introduce you to the team.’

We left the office and I felt that dizzy sensation again, although this time I knew why: we were being teleported. I think we must have arrived back in a different corridor, because we didn’t go through the foyer this time but went straight into the Earth section – entering in a different place meant we really did get a bit of a guided tour before we reached the place where the rhino wasn’t, which was fine by me.

Anyway, back a bit, first Tommy introduced us to the Earth team – Earthers, they called themselves. There were six of them altogether, which wasn’t as many as I’d expected, but then I suppose even on Earth things aren’t going extinct quite that quickly. There was Tommy’s partner, Rix, a tall, skinny bloke with big glasses; they looked like a comedy double act. And Rix was definitely the straight man, he barely smiled once. Then there were Vanni and Nadya, another partnership, both about my age and a bit giggly. The last two were Frank and Celia. I was just going to say that Frank was about the Doctor’s age when I realised how silly that was – I meant the Doctor’s apparent age, sort of mid‐thirties‐ish, not 900‐and‐whatever. Takes a bit of getting used to, knowing a Time Lord. So, yes, Frank, mid‐thirties, chunky, kept sniffing; Celia, late twenties, bit stuck up. That was the gang.

The Doctor and I smiled, and shook hands, and said how nice to meet them, and Tommy announced we were undercover secret agents, at which the Doctor groaned and shot an exasperated look at the ceiling, but I don’t think Tommy noticed that.

I think the Doctor was suffering from a severe case of mixed emotions. On the one hand, I knew he hated this place. Every now and again he would look at an animal, or even just catch sight of the MOTLO logo, and he’d tense up. And I guessed that he’d been as unimpressed by Eve, the boss, as I was.

But on the other hand… well, this whole creature disappearances thing, it was a mystery, wasn’t it? And I may not have known the Doctor very long, but I’ve certainly gathered enough already to realise how he feels about mysteries. Imagine the mystery is one of those enormous cartoon magnets and the Doctor is made of metal and you’ll have an idea how he reacts. Clang! The mystery magnet drags him in and he can’t resist it.

Anyway, I was telling you about the guided tour. Rix joined Tommy in showing us around. ‘Have fun!’ called Nadya, as we set off. But fun really wasn’t the right word. Well, some of it was fun, like Tommy’s joking about (see below), but overall there was just too much awe involved. Tommy and Rix took it in their strides – well, I suppose you get used to even the most incredible stuff after a while – but I just gaped.

Tommy got one of the security men to raise the metal grille so we could wander among the specimens – that’s the word he used, ‘specimens’; I don’t think the Doctor was that impressed, but he put on his polite face and didn’t say anything. Tommy was nice, though, don’t get me wrong.

What you’d call a ‘cheeky chappie’, He made me laugh, although I felt a bit bad about it, because I don’t think the Doctor liked that either – Tommy imitating a gorilla, or making fun of the dodo’s alleged stupidity. I knew he was thinking it was disrespectful. And it was – but it was still funny. Sorry, Doctor. Sorry, animals.

But I was telling you about the awe. Oh, how can I describe it to you?

You might remember that I briefly met a couple of dinosaurs during a previous time‐travelling trip, so you’d think seeing a load of them in cases would be all ‘been there, got the T-shirt’, nowhere near as impressive. And I’ll give you this much: seeing an Apatosaurus lumbering out of the bushes towards you gives you a quiver that a static beast in a museum