Doctor Who_ The Romans - Donald Cotton [32]
As we left the city I looked back and drew the attention of my three companions to a really splendid sunset. So bright were the colours that it almost looked as if the entire town were ablaze; and so magnificent was the spectacle that I could not forbear to salute the apparent conflagration with a farewell performance of Thermodynamic Functions on Nero’s lyre...
They looked at me strangely, with expressions that in the flickering red light seemed oddly horrified...
Well, it has been a pleasantly relaxing and instructive visit.
Ave atque vale!
EPILOGUE
A Second Epistle to The Keeper of the Imperial Archives, Rome
Oh, my dear Sir!
Can it be – may I ask – that you at last bask in the light of my remarks, and are warmed by the dawning of comprehension, however minimal?
The letter with which you have the amazing grace to cover the return of the documents in what we may call, for convenience, the ‘Quo Vadis, TARDIS?’ affair (yes, we may), encourages me to suppose so; and I therefore take a certain amount of grudging pleasure in honouring you with a few fruits of my own later speculations upon them.
Now, first of all, it would seem that Nero was eminently sensible – no matter what his motives may have been to secure the assassination of the real Maximus Petullian; for, as my recent researches have confirmed, he was not only a singer of subversive social-protest material, but a radical agitator whose sole purpose in visiting Italy was to secure the reestablishment of the Republic.
Moreover, the loathsome Tavius, who fortunately makes only a brief appearance in this chronicle, was just such another revolutionary, whose only motivation - beneath the ‘cover’ of honest slave gatherer! - was to open the floodgates of chaos to Democracy and Christianity, with all their attendant dissensions: and hence his jubilation at the death of the anonymous centurion, who, it seems, was head of Counter Intelligence.
The mysterious Doctor was, therefore, entirely correct to have no truck with the traitorous fellow, and his instincts were of the soundest when he expressed his determination not to become involved in any form of conspiracy which might conceivably lead to the Overthrow of Empire and the Downfall of Civilisation. In fact, his non-interventionist attitude, as revealed in the diary (which he later left, presumably inadvertently, on the kitchen table in Assissium, together with Chesterton’s Journal, which he had apparently confiscated for its hyper-critical content) deserves nothing but praise.
We have to set against this, however, the fact that he first of all introduced the concept of atonal composition to Roman music; then released several lions into the streets of Rome; and, finally, accidentally set fire to that city; and these matters can hardly be overlooked - especially since Nero was subsequently blamed for all of them, proclaimed a public enemy by the Senate, and driven to his death; which, in retrospect, can only seem a very unfortunate misunderstanding!
Now, since this misunderstanding is the primary basis for the claims to the Imperial Purple of Emperors Galba, Otho, Vespasian, Trajan (the well-known columnist), and our current genial incumbent, Hadrian (whom Jupiter preserve), you will perhaps understand why I have been hesitant to bring the somewhat embarrassing circumstances of his legally unsound position before the Emperor.
He is not a man prone to brook criticism lightly; and, in any case, it is a bit late now for anyone to do anything at all about it, so it is my considered inclination to let the matter drop.
I would, in fact, suggest that all the relevant papers be covered by the Official Secrets Act; and not released, if at all, until, let us say, the year 1987...
However,