Dude, Where's My Country_ - Michael Moore [79]
2. Second, every political argument you make must be about them and for them. They base every decision on “How does this benefit ME?” Instead of fighting this self-centeredness, just go with it, embrace it, feed it. Yes, you say to them, this is good for YOU. The conservative lives life in the first person singular—I, ME, MINE—and that is the pronoun-centric language you must speak if you are to be heard.
3. Journey into the mind of the conservative. This is the dark continent you must venture to if the conversion is to be successful. What you will encounter in the conservative mind is fear. Fear of crime. Fear of enemies. Fear of change. Fear of people not exactly like them. And, of course, fear of losing any money on anything. If they can’t see it (interracial couples don’t live in their neighborhood), they are afraid of it. If they can’t touch it (300 years of slavery that happened long ago), then they can’t understand why things are the way they are. If they can’t smell it (no industrial incinerators in their part of town), then they think the planet is in good shape.
4. Respect them the way you would like to be respected. We are asking them to be decent people and care about something other than just their money. If we ourselves are not decent, especially in the way we treat and talk to them, what are we asking them to become? Like us? I hope not.
5. Tell them what you like about conservatives. Be honest. You know there are many things about conservatives that we like and believe in ourselves—even though we usually wouldn’t be caught dead saying them out loud. Say them out loud to your conservative brother-in-law. Tell him you, too, are afraid of being a victim of crime and want to prevent criminals from getting away with their actions. Tell him that if America is actually attacked you will be the first to defend the defenseless. Tell him you don’t like freeloaders, either, especially that roommate you had in college who never lifted a finger to pick up a damn thing and turned your place into a pigsty.
He will see that you are, in some ways, just like him.
Tell him how dependable conservatives are. When you need something fixed, you call your redneck brother-in-law, don’t you? You yourself can’t fix a damn thing—and neither can any of your whiny liberal friends. Also, when you need a job, who hires you? The conservative who owns the business, that’s who. You don’t go hit up your slacker liberal brother-in-law for a job, do you? And if you need someone beat up, that bully who’s been picking on you, you certainly aren’t going to ask your uncle at the Unitarian Church to do it for you. You never know when you are going to need that conservative relative.
Conservatives are organized, on-time, efficient, well-groomed, and consistent. These are all good qualities and attributes, and we wish we were more that way. C’mon, admit it—where has being disorganized, inefficient, disheveled, erratic, and always late gotten us? Nowhere! Give a RINO his due, and you’ll find him more willing to listen to what’s coming next.
6. Admit that the left has made mistakes. Ouch. This is a tough one. I know, screw them, we’re not the ones who need to confess! But, if you admit that, on occasion, you have been wrong, it’s easier for the other person to consider what they have been wrong about, too. It also makes you appear more human and less of a jerk. I sat here for two full days staring at the computer before I could bring myself to continue on this point, but here’s a start on what we’ve been wrong about:
• Mumia probably killed that guy. There, I said it. That does not mean he should be denied a fair trial or that he should be put to death. But because we don’t want to see him or anyone executed, the efforts to defend him may have overlooked the fact that