Dude, Where's My Country_ - Michael Moore [88]
I know, you probably thought I was just writing this stuff about Oprah for a laugh. I’m dead serious. This is the time for bold moves, the time to think in new ways if we are ever going to win and turn things around. Oprah would beat Bush. Imagine the debates—Bush vs. Oprah! She’ll have him twisted in so many knots he won’t know what hit him. She’ll look directly into the camera and she’ll tell America, “I will take care of you. I will protect you. You will join me in this work. I will bring all the right people in who will see that no one who lives in this country suffers any more abuse, and the world will know us as the generous and peaceful people that we are.” She will then turn to W. and tell him that he is on his way to the time-out room and a visit with Dr. Phil.
And she’ll win in a landslide.
Now, how do we convince Oprah to run? I will start by posting a “Draft Oprah” petition on my Web site. When I first floated this idea in early 2003, the media asked her for a response and she said, smiling, “People say, ‘Never say never.’” But when it comes to politics, Oprah continued, “I can say, ‘Never.’” We can change her mind. You can write her by logging onto www.oprah.com. She is probably not going to like this idea at first and I have probably ensured that I will not be appearing on her show any time soon. But it is my hope that she will answer the call to lead us out of our national misery. Oprah! Oprah! Oprah!
Okay, so what if Oprah won’t run? Who else do we have who is already so popular and beloved that they could announce tomorrow and beat Bush by next November? Well, they’re not all black women, but there are other Oprahs waiting in the wings. How about Tom Hanks? Everybody loves Tom Hanks! He’s one of the good guys. He cares about people. He loves his country. He would trounce Bush.
And, of course, there’s Martin Sheen. People love him playing the role of president on TV. Let’s stop the pretend act and have him do the real thing!
Or what about Paul Newman? He’d beat Bush, too. If Reagan could do it at his age, just think of how cool it would be to have the elder statesman Paul Newman calling the shots. Free salad dressing for everyone! And Joanne Woodward as first lady! No, wait—Joanne Woodward for president!
How about Caroline Kennedy? A Kennedy with no scandals! Just a generous, decent person who is also a mom!
Or any one of the Dixie Chicks! No one has made the right more afraid than the Dixie Chicks. They spoke out first, when it wasn’t popular. They’ve got guts and they sing songs about getting rid of dead-wood boyfriends and husbands who drag you down. That has to be a lock on the female vote right there! Let’s make them proud to be from Texas again! They could take turns and serve one year each, and then in the fourth year they can hand over the office to their vice president—Oprah!
But let’s say none of these celebrities is willing to give up their nice lives to go live in a hornet’s nest. Who could blame them? Then where does that leave us?
Many months ago, in the days leading up to the Iraq invasion, I was flipping through the channels and I came across a general talking on CNN. Assuming this was just another one of those talking ex-military heads who had sprung up all over our networks, I was ready to keep flipping. But he said something that caught my ear, and I continued to listen. He was actually questioning the wisdom of Bush attacking Iraq. Long before it came out that Bush & Co. were purposefully deceiving the American people about “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq, he was questioning whether, in fact, Iraq was a true threat to the United States. Whoa. Who was this guy?
His name was Wesley Clark. Gen. Wesley Clark. First in his class at West Point, a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford, former Supreme Allied Commander of NATO, and a registered Democrat from Arkansas. I started checking him out. And here is what I discovered:
• He is pro-choice and a strong advocate for women’s rights. Asked on Crossfire if he thought abortion should remain legal, he answered simply and to the point: