Empress Orchid - Anchee Min [63]
As I spoke, I tightened the laces on my gown. What more could I achieve? Since moving to the Forbidden City I had ceased being an ordinary person. What would Big Sister Fann’s reaction be when she learned that I had addressed the Son of Heaven as one equal spirit to another? I smiled just thinking about Big Sister Fann’s face. She would spread the story of the “legendary Orchid” until her lips grew blisters.
Almost with elation I told His Majesty that I was ready for the eunuchs to remove me.
Hsien Feng made no move. He seemed surprised at the situation. But what he felt no longer mattered to me. All my waiting for tomorrow’s luck was over. My soul was set free.
“You interest me,” the Emperor said, and a smile traveled across the sealed lips.
This seemed to be the Imperial style of torture.
“Tell me that you feel remorse for what you have done.” He walked up to me until his face was inches away. There was a gentleness in his gaze. “It is too late even if there is regret. Begging is of no use. I am in no mood to grant mercy. Not one ounce. I have no more mercy to give.”
For that reason alone I pity you. I shot my words at him with my eyes. I was glad that I was not in his position. He could order my death, but he couldn’t order himself one. What kind of power was his, then? He was his own captive.
His Majesty insisted on learning my thoughts. After a moment’s hesitation I decided to reveal them. I told him I pitied him although he appeared to be powerful. I told him it was not impressive that he picked not an equal but me, a defenseless slave, to punish. I told him I wouldn’t resent him for punishing me, because I could see he had to find someone on whom to take out his frustration, and there was nothing easier than beheading a concubine.
As I spoke, I expected him to become enraged. I expected him to call the eunuchs to drag me out and the guards to poke me with their swords. But His Majesty did just the opposite. Instead of bursting with rage, he became calm. He seemed to be truly affected by my words. His expression became the work of a poorly skilled clay sculptor who intended to make a cheerful face but instead made a bitter one.
His Majesty slowly sat himself down on the edge of the bed and waved for me to sit by him. I obeyed. The sound of the yoo-hoo-loo outside the window was loud but not unpleasant. The moonlight threw shadows of a magnolia on the floor. I felt strangely peaceful.
“How about a simple conversation?” he asked.
I didn’t feel like responding, so I remained silent.
“You don’t have anything more to say?”
“I have said it all, Your Majesty.”
“You … are smiling!”
“Are you offended?”
“No. I like it. Keep smiling … Did you hear what I said?”
I felt my facial expression freeze at his order.
“What’s wrong? Your smile has disappeared. Get it back! I want to see that smile back on your face. Put it back. Now!”
“I am trying, Your Majesty.”
“It is not there! You have taken my smile away! How dare …”
“How about this, Your Majesty?”
“No, that is not a smile. That is a grin. An ugly one. Do you need help?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me how, then.”
“Your Majesty could tell me my name.”
“Your name?”
“Do you know my name?”
“What a wicked question! No, of course I don’t.”
“I am your wife. I am your consort of the fourth rank.”
“Indeed?”
“My name, Your Majesty?”
“Would you kindly remind me?”
“Would I? Has anyone in this realm had the luck to hear the Son of Heaven say ‘Would you kindly’?”
“What’s your name? Come on!”
“Why bother?”
“His Majesty wants to bother!”
“He’d better not. It’ll give him nightmares.”
“How so?”
“I have no idea whether I shall turn into a good ghost. And a bad ghost chases after the living. I assume you are aware of that.”
“I see.” He got up and walked barefoot to a golden tray on his desk. On the tray was a bamboo chip with my name on it. “Lady Yehonala.” He picked up the chip and cupped it in his hand. “How does your family call you, Yehonala?”
“Orchid.”
“Orchid.” He nodded and murmured the name repeatedly as he dropped the chip back onto the