Empress Orchid - Anchee Min [62]
Was anything up to me at this moment? The silk pillow felt soft and cool against my cheek. I could no longer drag my thoughts along this path. I heard an aria inside my head: Like a river rock that rolls uphill, like a rooster that grows a set of teeth …
A touch on my shoulder woke me.
“How dare you fall asleep while His Majesty is awake!”
I sat up. I couldn’t quite tell where I was.
“Where have you been?” the man in front of me mocked. “Soochow or Hangchow?”
I was shocked. “Pardon me, Your Majesty, for I haven’t been myself. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was tired and I fell asleep carelessly.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
I pinched my thigh, trying to get my mind to work.
“How can you possibly be tired?” Emperor Hsien Feng sneered. “What have you been doing besides embroidery?”
I remained silent, but my mind’s wheel rolled.
“Answer my question.” His Majesty got up from the bed and began to pace with his shirt open in the front. “If you have been doing embroidery, tell me about it. I need distraction.”
I sensed that His Majesty was uninterested in hearing me talk about embroidery or anything else. I would be looking for trouble no matter what I said. The man was a smoking hut. I wanted to tell him that I had expected our coupling, not conversation.
His Majesty looked at me.
Realizing that I was naked, I reached toward the stool to grab my gown.
He kicked the stool and my gown fell to the floor. “Wouldn’t you like to be out of your costume for a while?”
I looked at him, amazed by his words. His voice reminded me of certain village boys I had known, boys in their late teens who still sounded like young roosters.
“I would.” The Son of Heaven answered his own question. “I might even be happy for a moment.”
I was overwhelmed by curiosity and decided to take a risk. “Your Majesty, may I have your permission to ask a question?”
“Yes, you may ask for anything except my seeds.”
I understood what he meant and felt insulted. I lost interest in speaking further.
“Go ahead, slave, I have given you my permission.”
My voice left me. Despair flooded my heart’s bank. I thought about what I had done to gain this one chance. I could hear the clock ticking and Chief Shim’s voice: “Your time is up, Lady Yehonala!”
I tried to convince myself to make peace with the loss, but my spirit wouldn’t obey. Every nerve in my body rebelled against my will to perform what I was taught.
“I’ll send for someone to replace you.” His Majesty leaned over. He smelled of orange peel. “I am in the mood to be pleased.” His breath touched my cheek and he seemed to enjoy the threat. “I want a parrot. Coo-coo! Coo-coo! Sing or sink. Coo-coo!”
Hopelessness came to wrap me and I still could find no words.
“Chief Eunuch Shim is waiting right behind the door,” His Majesty continued. “I shall call him to take you away.” He made a move toward the door.
I allowed my nature to take over. Despair had aroused my desire to fight, and suddenly my fear cleared. In my mind’s eye I saw a suicide rope hanging down from the Imperial palace beam, dancing like the sleeves of the moon goddess. The joy of taking control was unexpected but real. I got off the bed and slipped into my gown. “Have an excellent night, Your Majesty,” I said, and then I lunged toward the door.
I would have regretted it if I had been older or more experienced, but I was young and my blood was a hot spring. The situation had maddened me. Understanding that I would be beheaded for my behavior, I wanted to perform the final act my way.
“Halt!” Emperor Hsien Feng called from behind. “You have just offended the Son of Heaven.”
I turned around and saw a grin on his face.
“If you are to order my punishment,” I said, standing straight and tall, “my only wish is that you have