Eternally Yours - Brenda Jackson [40]
She sighed. “So I shifted my faith to my other father. He became my rock, my strength, and like Poppa Paul said, he has never let me down.”
Clayton clenched his teeth, angry at the disappointments she’d had to endure as a child. He couldn’t help but admire her spirit. She’d been a fighter, a believer, a survivor.
Syneda continued. “And I made up my mind that I would never give my love and trust blindly to any man like my mother did. Over the years, I’ve learned that only a few people are blessed with sharing that special love and the unwavering trust that goes with it. Mama Nora shared it with Papa Paul before he died, your parents, your sisters and their husbands, Lorren and Justin and Dex and Caitlin have all shown me that it’s possible for some people.”
“But not for you?”
“No, not for me. I’ll never fall in love. It’s not for me. I don’t need it.”
Clayton’s hands closed over Syneda’s shoulders and the feel of his strong fingers soothed her. He leaned down and brushed his lips to her neck. “No, baby, I think love is for you,” he said huskily. “You just don’t know it yet.”
“Clayton, you don’t understand.”
He met her eyes, his expression suddenly serious. “Yes, I do, Syneda. I really do.” He understood more than she realized, he thought. He understood what her lifelong insecurities about love were, which had been so much a part of her childhood and evidently remained a part of her adult life. And because of how she felt, he knew he couldn’t tell her that he loved her. Love would be the last thing she would want from him.
Knowing that he could never rid her of all the sadness and loneliness she had endured over the years, Clayton inwardly vowed to bring some happiness and pleasure into her life. Love was about more than being wanted. It was also about understanding, time and patience. He would do battle to have all those things with Syneda. First, he would be understanding whenever she would try keeping him, like she’d done other men, at arm’s length. Second, he realized she needed time. Although she thought she had fully healed from the pain caused by her father, he sensed that deep down she really hadn’t. And last, but above all, he would have to have patience. No matter what, he would not give up on her or his love. He was in it for the long haul.
He slowly got out of bed. “It’s lunchtime.”
Syneda smiled up at him. “Will we really get to eat this time?”
He laughed. “Yes, this time we will.”
After lunch Clayton had gotten dressed and gone to a video store and rented a number of movies. They had ordered pizza for dinner and after watching the movies had decided to go to bed early.
In bed Clayton had held her in his arms. He refused to make love to her any more that day, knowing her body was still tender.
“Thanks for protecting me last night…and this morning, Clayton. You must carry packs of condoms around with you,” Syneda said with a teasing glint in her eyes.
Clayton chuckled. “Shut up, Walters, and go to sleep,” he said, pulling her closer to him.
Syneda laughed as she snuggled closer. Her last thought before closing her eyes was that if she weren’t too careful, she could get used to Clayton sleeping in her bed.
“This weekend was wonderful, Clayton.”
Clayton stood by the door. His traveling bag was packed, and he was ready to leave. That morning she was the one who had awakened him to make love. Again they had skipped breakfast and ended up eating leftover pizza for lunch.
“Was this weekend wonderful enough to get me an invitation for another visit?”
Syneda hesitated before answering. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Yes.”
She frowned up at him. “This weekend was to be a lust-purging experience to get you out of my system, and me out of yours.”
He pulled her closer to him. He felt the soft warmth of her skin, and inhaled her arousing feminine scent. He wanted nothing more than to take her back to bed and make