Ethical Slut - Dossie Easton [1]
With special thanks to our editor, Brie Mazurek, and all our dear lovers, friends, clients, colleagues, families, and advisors.
PART ONE
Welcome
CHAPTER ONE
Who Is an Ethical Slut?
MANY PEOPLE DREAM of having an abundance of love and sex and friendship. Some believe that such a life is impossible and settle for less than they want, feeling always a little lonely, a little frustrated. Others try to achieve their dream, but are thwarted by outside social pressures or by their own emotions, and decide that such dreams must stay in the realm of fantasy. A few, though, persist and discover that being openly loving, intimate, and sexual with many people is not only possible but can be more rewarding than they ever imagined.
People have been succeeding at free love for many centuries—often quietly, without much fanfare. In this book, we will share the techniques, the skills, the ideals that have made it work for them.
So who is an ethical slut? We are. Many, many others are. Maybe you are too. If you dream of freedom, if you dream of intimacy both hot and profound, if you dream of an abundance of friends and flirtation and affection, of following your desires and seeing where they take you, you’ve already taken the first step.
Why We Chose This Title
From the moment you saw or heard about this book, you probably guessed that some of the terms here may not have the same meanings you’re accustomed to.
What kind of people would revel in calling themselves sluts? And why would they insist on being recognized for their ethics?
In most of the world, “slut” is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. It’s interesting to note that the analogous word “stud,” used to describe a highly sexual man, is often a term of approval and envy. If you ask about a man’s morals, you will probably hear about his honesty, loyalty, integrity, and high principles. When you ask about a woman’s morals, you are more likely to hear about whom she shares sex with, and under what conditions. We have a problem with this.
So we are proud to reclaim the word “slut” as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. Sluts may choose to have solo sex or to get cozy with the Fifth Fleet. They may be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, radical activists or peaceful suburbanites.
As proud sluts, we believe that sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for good, activities with the potential to strengthen intimate bonds, enhance lives, open spiritual awareness, even change the world. Furthermore, we believe that every consensual sexual relationship has these potentials and that any erotic pathway, consciously chosen and mindfully followed, can be a positive, creative force in the lives of individuals and their communities.
Sluts share their sexuality the way philanthropists share their money: because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place. Sluts often find that the more love and sex they give away, the more they have: a loaves-and-fishes miracle in which greed and generosity go hand in hand to provide more for everybody. Imagine living in sexual abundance!
Your Authors
Between us, we represent a fairly large slice of the pie that is sexual diversity.
Dossie is a therapist in private practice in San Francisco, specializing in relationship issues and alternative sexualities. She has identified as lesbian for the past twenty-five years and still values her experience as both bisexual and heterosexual before that. She has always been a slut. She committed to an open sexual lifestyle in 1969 when her daughter was newborn, and taught her first workshop on unlearning jealousy in 1973. She has spent about half of her adult life living single,