Everyday Drinking_ The Distilled Kingsley Amis - Kingsley Amis [15]
Serbian Tea
Slivovitz (plum brandy)
Honey (the runny sort)
Heat the slivovitz in a saucepan and stir in honey to taste. Serve in small mugs. Much esteemed in the Balkans as a cold-cure. It does seem to help, but, in the words of one user, “after a pint or so you can feel the lining of your stomach wearing thin.” So watch it.
Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink.
—ISAIAH
He is not deserving the name of Englishman who speaketh against ale, that is, good ale.
—GEORGE BORROW
ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON, Poet Laureate, on the occasion of his visit to the International Exhibition, 1862, having written an ode to be sung by a choir of four thousand at its opening: “Is there anywhere in this damned place where we can get a decent bottle of Bass?”
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia?
—SYDNEY SMITH
“I rather like bad wine,” said Mr. Mountchesney; “one gets so bored with good wine.”
—BENJAMIN DISRAELI
There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn.
—SAMUEL JOHNSON
“Champagne certainly gives one werry gentlemanly ideas, but for a continuance, I don’t know but I should prefer mild hale.”
—ROBERT SMITH SURTEES
* Fact for the factually-minded: only Scotch may legally be spelt without the “e.”
TOOLS OF THE TRADE
THE AIM HERE is to keep everything as simple as possible. Resist being led astray by any Compleat Barman’s Presentation Wherewithal, which will be incompleat and largely unnecessary and badly designed, and accumulate your equipment only after personal inspection and careful thought. If you can rely on yourself not to be carried away, and I am far from sure I can rely on me when I have money to burn, you may visit the relevant departments of your local emporium. First as to your essential
BAR KIT
1 . A refrigerator. All to yourself, I mean. There is really no way round this. Wives and such are constantly filling up any refrigerator they have a claim on, even its ice-compartment, with irrelevant rubbish like food. Get one of your own and have it fitted with racks the thickness of a bottle apart. This is not expensive and, adapted on these lines, even a small refrigerator will hold a lot of bottles and tins in an easy-to-get-at way. Use rubber or rubberoid icetrays. The metal and the plastic ones have a longer life, but it is hell getting out the three or four cubes that are often all you need at a time; no problem with the rubber version.
2. A measuring-jug. The 1 pint/20 fl. oz. size is best.
3. A mixing-jug. This should be of glass, tall and narrow, with a lipped beak to hold in the ice when pouring. But check that it holds enough, not less than a quart. With a party of any size you will, when making a martini, say, want to use a bottle of spirits at a time and still leave plenty of room for ice and enthusiastic stirring.
4. An ice-container. With a Thermos lining and room for 30 or 40 cubes.
5. A bar spoon, i.e. with a long shank and a tiny bowl.
6. A lemon-squeezer. This should be of the acoustic sort, i.e. non-electrical, manual, and so always in working order. Plastic is better than glass, because the flutes on the central dome are usually sharper.
7. A strainer.
8. A really very sharp knife. (If you want to finish the evening with your usual number of fingers, do any cutting-up, peel-slicing and the like before you have had more than a couple of drinks, preferably before your first.)
9. A corkscrew. Go for the butterfly type or the sort that involves turning instead of pulling.
10. A crown-cork opener.
That is the lot. Keep them in a place only you have the key to, or they will not be there when you want them, I can assure you. (Locking up your refrigerator calls for some ingenuity, but good luck if you can get it fitted with a padlock.) Similarly, it will save you time in the end, as well as earning