Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [180]
Before she left, he put his arms around her, and gave a nice hug and said, "Don't worry. Don't look so sad. They're not going to execute him." He told Nicole he had never seen a case yet, didn't matter how bad it looked when you first took it, as you got into the story, you could explain it to the Jury.
For instance, he said, even a person who would swear by capital punishment might have to change their mind if it was their own mother on trial. "My mother's not like that," they would say. "Something went wrong." People were ready for capital punishment only if they were sentencing a stranger. The approach was to get the Jury feeling they understood the criminal.
Saturday came. Even though Hansen had said two o'clock, she was there at one-thirty.
She waited until three, but Mr. Hansen never showed up. Christ, she made an idiot of herself waiting. She called him later that afternoon, but it was Saturday, and his office didn't answer. While visiting Gary, Nicole began to cry. She couldn't help it. She had really been counting on getting a good lawyer,
She was even more depressed when she received Gary's next letter:
Sept. 26
All Snyder and Esplin want to do is leave themselves a good case for appeal. Thats the way they're paid by the state to think. I'm not saying they are paid to sell me out, I'm not paranoid about it. But they are court appointed lawyers, they don't have the resource to do a proper job. I'll get no more than a token defense from them.
Sept. 27
I can't sleep in the daytime. Sometimes I try but I always wake up in a cold sweat and I hear the cars on the hiway and see the light coming brightly thru the bars and know how far away I am from it all.
I know that dying is just changin form. I don't expect to escape any of my debts, I'll meet them and I'll pay them. I want to quit racking up such heavy debts thought.
I fucked you all night in my mind Nicole. I sent love over all the distance to Springville, which is not at all a ball o'chalk, I could run that meagre distance without stopping. I loved you so hard and wet and long last nite Angel and I held you to me tite tite tite and you felt good. I kissed your forehead your nose your eyes, your cheeks and long and wet on your lips your neck I fucked your ears with my tongue and heard you cry out oh oh oh ooooh baby I kissed all down your body, put your tits in my mouth all I could get in there and l put my face between them sucked your big nipples fucked your belly button pushed my tongue in your mouth in your cunt in your ass your pretty fuckin ass. God I love your pretty pretty ass. Whew! You got ass that won't quit! You got a blue ribbon first prize ass. You got an elf ass.
You're an elf. And I'm stone in love with you.
Your honesty astounds me. I've thought long and hard of you, little elf, of your experience-the men who have known you, have loved you, been loved in return, have used, abused, and hurt you, made you love-I've thought of Uncle Lee. I understand as well as I can Nicole.
I don't want you to live like a hermit without friends. I don't give you any order or impose my restrictions.
But I don't like the idea of all those guys coming to see you.
Because somebody gives you a ride hitchhiking, does he have to become a friend, come and see you again and again, every few days? Fuck that.
I felt something yesterday that l didn't like. Vague, haunting-you smelled of beer . . .
I know the guys that come to see you must want more than company, l don't doubt you, but I know the flesh is weak.
You have always been so very honest and open with me, you are just Nicole and you present yourself just as you are, without pretense.
Something jarred me yesterday and made me feel something l don't want to feel. Your face your tears, it reminded me of another time not long ago-Baby I guess I'm just an insanely jealous son of a bitch and a selfish motherfucker.
I don't like those friends of yours that come again and again for your company. Jesus Christ I've never heard of any men like that.