Fanny and the Servant Problem [16]
me. You're too conscientious, all of you. You, in particular, Jane, because you know you're not strong. YOU'LL end up with a nervous breakdown. [Mrs. Bennet has entered. Honoria slips out. Fanny turns to her aunt.] I was just saying how anxious I'm getting about Jane. I don't like the look of her at all. What she wants is a holiday. Don't you agree with me?
MRS. BENNET. There will be no holiday, I fear, for any of us, for many a long day.
FANNY. But you must. You must think more of yourselves, you know. YOU'RE not looking well, aunt, at all. What you both want is a month--at the seaside.
MRS. BENNET. Your object is too painfully apparent for the subject to need discussion. True solicitude for us would express itself better in greater watchfulness upon your own behaviour.
FANNY. Why, what have I done?
Bennet enters, followed, unwillingly, by Ernest.
MRS. BENNET. Your uncle will explain.
BENNET. Shut that door. [Ernest does so. They group round Bennet-- Ernest a little behind. Fanny remains near the desk.] Sit down. [Fanny, bewildered, speechless, sits.] Carry your mind back, please, to the moment when, with the Bradshaw in front of you, you were considering, with the help of your cousin Ernest, the possibility of your slipping out unobserved, to meet and commune with a person you had surreptitiously summoned to visit you during your husband's absence.
FANNY. While I think of it, did he have anything to eat before he went? I told Ernest to--ask you to see that he had a glass of champagne and a -
BENNET [waves her back into silence]. Mr. Newte was given refreshment suitable to his station. [She goes to interrupt. Again he waves her back.] We are speaking of more important matters. Your cousin reminded you that you would have to pass the lodge, occupied by your Aunt Amelia. I state the case correctly?
FANNY. Beautifully!
BENNET. I said nothing at the time, doubting the evidence of my own ears. The boy, however--where is the boy?--[Ernest is pushed forward]--has admitted--reluctantly--that he also heard it. [A pause. The solemnity deepens.] You made use of an expression -
FANNY. Oh, cut it short. I said "damn." [A shudder passes.] I'm sorry to have frightened you, but if you knew a little more of really good society, you would know that ladies--quite slap-up ladies--when they're excited, do--.
MRS. BENNET [interrupting with almost a scream]. She defends it!
BENNET. You will allow ME to be the judge of what a LADY says, even when she is excited. As for this man, Newte -
FANNY. The best friend you ever had. [She is "up" again.] You thank your stars, all of you, and tell the others, too, the whole blessed twenty-three of you--you thank your stars that I did "surreptitiously" beg and pray him to run down by the first train and have a talk with me; and that Providence was kind enough to YOU to enable him to come. It's a very different tune you'd have been singing at this moment--all of you--if he hadn't. I can tell you that.
MRS. BENNET. And pray, what tune SHOULD we have been singing if Providence hadn't been so thoughtful of us?
FANNY [she is about to answer, then checks herself, and sits again]. You take care you don't find out. There's time yet.
MRS. BENNET. We had better leave her.
BENNET. Threats, my good girl, will not help you.
MRS. BENNET [with a laugh]. She's in too tight a corner for that.
BENNET. A contrite heart is what your aunt and I desire to see. [He takes from his pocket a small book, places it open on the desk.] I have marked one or two passages, on pages 93-7. We will discuss them together--later in the day.
They troop out in silence, the key turns in the lock.
FANNY [takes up the book--turns to the cover, reads]. "The Sinner's Manual." [She turns to page 93.]
[CURTAIN]
ACT III
SCENE
The same.
Time.--A few days later.
A table is laid for tea. Ernest enters with the tea-urn. He leaves the door open; through it comes the sound of an harmonium, accompanying the
MRS. BENNET. There will be no holiday, I fear, for any of us, for many a long day.
FANNY. But you must. You must think more of yourselves, you know. YOU'RE not looking well, aunt, at all. What you both want is a month--at the seaside.
MRS. BENNET. Your object is too painfully apparent for the subject to need discussion. True solicitude for us would express itself better in greater watchfulness upon your own behaviour.
FANNY. Why, what have I done?
Bennet enters, followed, unwillingly, by Ernest.
MRS. BENNET. Your uncle will explain.
BENNET. Shut that door. [Ernest does so. They group round Bennet-- Ernest a little behind. Fanny remains near the desk.] Sit down. [Fanny, bewildered, speechless, sits.] Carry your mind back, please, to the moment when, with the Bradshaw in front of you, you were considering, with the help of your cousin Ernest, the possibility of your slipping out unobserved, to meet and commune with a person you had surreptitiously summoned to visit you during your husband's absence.
FANNY. While I think of it, did he have anything to eat before he went? I told Ernest to--ask you to see that he had a glass of champagne and a -
BENNET [waves her back into silence]. Mr. Newte was given refreshment suitable to his station. [She goes to interrupt. Again he waves her back.] We are speaking of more important matters. Your cousin reminded you that you would have to pass the lodge, occupied by your Aunt Amelia. I state the case correctly?
FANNY. Beautifully!
BENNET. I said nothing at the time, doubting the evidence of my own ears. The boy, however--where is the boy?--[Ernest is pushed forward]--has admitted--reluctantly--that he also heard it. [A pause. The solemnity deepens.] You made use of an expression -
FANNY. Oh, cut it short. I said "damn." [A shudder passes.] I'm sorry to have frightened you, but if you knew a little more of really good society, you would know that ladies--quite slap-up ladies--when they're excited, do--.
MRS. BENNET [interrupting with almost a scream]. She defends it!
BENNET. You will allow ME to be the judge of what a LADY says, even when she is excited. As for this man, Newte -
FANNY. The best friend you ever had. [She is "up" again.] You thank your stars, all of you, and tell the others, too, the whole blessed twenty-three of you--you thank your stars that I did "surreptitiously" beg and pray him to run down by the first train and have a talk with me; and that Providence was kind enough to YOU to enable him to come. It's a very different tune you'd have been singing at this moment--all of you--if he hadn't. I can tell you that.
MRS. BENNET. And pray, what tune SHOULD we have been singing if Providence hadn't been so thoughtful of us?
FANNY [she is about to answer, then checks herself, and sits again]. You take care you don't find out. There's time yet.
MRS. BENNET. We had better leave her.
BENNET. Threats, my good girl, will not help you.
MRS. BENNET [with a laugh]. She's in too tight a corner for that.
BENNET. A contrite heart is what your aunt and I desire to see. [He takes from his pocket a small book, places it open on the desk.] I have marked one or two passages, on pages 93-7. We will discuss them together--later in the day.
They troop out in silence, the key turns in the lock.
FANNY [takes up the book--turns to the cover, reads]. "The Sinner's Manual." [She turns to page 93.]
[CURTAIN]
ACT III
SCENE
The same.
Time.--A few days later.
A table is laid for tea. Ernest enters with the tea-urn. He leaves the door open; through it comes the sound of an harmonium, accompanying the