Flex_ Do Something Different - Ben [51]
It is also the case that people are not very good at understanding the ‘facts’ that might be relevant – or those that would be useful to help them choose between options. This is why as humans we don’t do the right thing all the time, why we have unsuccessful relationships, find ourselves in problematic situations and why we don’t do the things that we know are sensible or right. We aren’t computers; we are hedonistic, emotional and habitual.
We would argue, however, that by flexing and doing something different we can become more aware of how and why we are choosing, take responsibility for changing how we are, take the fear out of some choices, make sure we put our energies into the right things, and do so with a good conscience. If we can lasso this personal power and develop behavioural flexibility through flex, we can learn to make the right choices for us. And in doing so, we also reveal our human-ness too. Human beings may not be choice machines, but our ability to free ourselves from habits and learning histories is also what may distinguish us from rats, flies and worms. Sometimes we humans do need to exercise free choice, take charge of the reins and flex.
Becoming aware of the role incoherence and habit play in decision-making will itself dramatically improve the quality of our choices. DSD can be a powerful tool for developing free will.
60. Self-lying and self-deception
Becoming a better decision-maker (or, to be more accurate, a more coherent person) means allowing no room for self-deception. Achieving coherence as a person requires honesty to oneself. This means being open to those motives and reasons that we like to hide from ourselves. Being truthful to yourself may not be easy but if the goal is improvement and success there is no alternative. Lying to, or deceiving, oneself brings with it similar problems that lying to others does. No one doubts there can be a short-term benefit from lying, such as a passing hedonistic gain, or perhaps evading uncomfortable questions. The same is true for self-deceptions too. In the longer term, though, the lies catch up because the web of deceit has to grow to maintain the position and at some point it always breaks.
So how can we develop our own self-deception sensors if we need to do so to improve decision-making?
We might think that if we are deceiving ourselves we would know. This is often not so because the different layers involved in self-coherence can provide us with the evidence.
DSD provides the answer.
flex in action – the coherence-rater
Understanding your coherence
The coherence-rater below will provide you with some insights about your flex coherence if you complete it honestly.
Simply rate each statement in terms of how strongly it generally applies to you.
The coherence-rater
1 = almost never 2 = rarely 3 = sometimes 4 = often
1 I am surprised at how I feel after doing something I intended.
2 I tell lies.
3 I wish I could get away with things.
4 I wish for, or desire, things I know I can’t have.
5 I wonder why I did something.
6 I am surprised at things I say.
7 I am easily influenced by other people’s opinions.
8 I don’t find it easy to ‘move on’.
9 I kid myself that my behaviour is OK when it isn’t.
10 People don’t react to me as I expect.
11 I wish I had said something else.
12 When thinking about my day I wish things had gone differently.
13 I don’t find it easy to change what I think or do.
14 I do what comes into my head without thinking it through.
15 I express a view I don’t really hold because I think I should.
16 I wish I could be less driven by my habits.
17 I do things without meaning to.
18 I do things I don’t want others to know about.
19 There are things I would rather not be reminded of.
20 I do things that I know are not good for me.
21 I am unable to stop myself doing something when I know I should.
22 I am unsure of my values in some areas of my life.
23 My habits are not really in line with what I want.
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