Flex_ Do Something Different - Ben [52]
25 I do things without thinking and things go wrong.
Scoring your coherence-rater
Add up your total score. Subtract the number from 100.
This will give you a percentage flex coherence-rater score.
Interpreting your coherence-rater score
Coherence is at maximum when the eight levels are acting in unison. That is, when desires, habits, thoughts, intentions, what we say, what we do, our memories and our reflections are consistent, coherent and related to our higher goals.
High scores (70+)
Congratulations, you appear to be pretty coherent. Your inner life should be fairly free from struggles and problems. You have the coherence tools to make the most of things, so are your behaviours flexible and adaptable enough to make the most of life? Are you using all 100 per cent of your potential personality? Keep doing something different to extend yourself and grow as a person.
Medium scores (50-69)
Your answers suggest your emotions, thoughts and behaviours are sometimes – but not always – in line with each other, so your coherence level is in the mid-range. You’ve got a sound base from which to build greater coherence, and Do Something Different will help you to use more of your potential personality.
Low scores (0-49)
In common with many people, your flex coherence score shows there’s room for improvement. Developing your coherence will make life better, as well as making a positive difference to how you feel in all situations. Using the DSD techniques in this book will help you get to a higher level of coherence and enjoy all the benefits that brings.
flex yourself – improve your coherence
Over the next few pages you’ll find some simple exercises to try. They are aimed at giving you insights into your habits and, more importantly, at setting you on the road to greater personal coherence.
Coherence project 1 – tell me what you think of me
Incoherence can arise when we carry a distorted view of ourselves around with us. We rarely see ourselves the way others see us. Deep understanding of that difference can help us to develop greater coherence. So this project is to help you see yourself through other people’s eyes. It is about getting a true sense of who you are, particularly how you come across, and your personal style. It will help you decide where to make changes, starting with the way you look and your physical surroundings. You’ll make decisive choices, instead of drifting along or leaving things as habit has determined they will be. It’s a first step to noticing how your personal view of yourself may not cohere with the way others see you. We start with the ‘outer’ you, because that’s a relatively easy area to get to know; we’ll tackle the ‘inner’ you in later projects.
Try this:
You are going to find out from other people one thing about you that could be improved upon. Here’s an overview of what you’ll do:
Step 1: Identify somebody.
Step 2: Ask them.
Step 3: Reflect on what you are told.
Step 4: Act on it.
Step 1: Identify somebody
Identify somebody who you think comes across well to others. Someone with outward confidence or personal style, whose opinion you value. This might be a close friend, someone you admire or look up to, or a member of your family.
Step 2: Ask them
Tell the person you’ve chosen, ‘I’m looking for ways in which I can be better. Can you help me spot where I could improve?’ This might mean stepping out of your comfort zone a little. You may not be used to opening up to others in this way but most people will respond very positively to being asked to help.
Go through the TELL ME ABOUT ME lists that follow here with the help of your friend. Ask them to give you information about how THEY see you (you could do the same for them if they wanted). Of course, your friend may see some things as being sensitive areas for you and won’t want to offend you. Try to listen to what they say, stay neutral, resist the urge to respond and don’t be defensive. Don’t feel criticised or tempted to counter what they say.
Step 3: Reflect