Flex_ Do Something Different - Ben [53]
You don’t have to believe everything you hear and only some of it may be worth acting upon. You have to decide, since these are just things for you to think about and you’re not going to change everything. But you might find out just one thing that you could change for the better and that might be the catalyst for further improvements.
You could ask them to give you feedback on yourself. Use the list on p.147.
ASK FOR ONE GOOD THING ABOUT YOU IN THAT AREA AND ONE WAY IN WHICH YOU COULD IMPROVE.
Step 4: Act on it
If there are areas that after reflection you feel you should do something about, this is the time to make plans to do that.
Some changes you decide to make will be minor ones that you find quite easy to put into practice.
Other changes will need a longer-term plan of action. It might be helpful if you:
Make sure you have clear goals for each of the areas you want to change.
Write them down.
Have a time plan to guide you, but make it realistic. Allow twice as much time as you think you’ll need so that you don’t set yourself up to fail (research shows that people often have expectations that are too high and then they are more likely to give up).
Tell somebody. It’s important that you include others in your plans to change. Perhaps after doing the above exercise with a friend you could tell them where you plan to make changes, how you will do it and when.
Be realistic and recognise that any small changes you make are good.
The person you do this with is going to choose one of three ratings for each of the questions below, depending on how they think you’re doing in that area. You might need to tell them some things they do not know about you too (e.g. health).
1 = NO CHANGE TO MAKE
2 = COULD WORK ON
3 = CHANGE SUGGESTED
Those areas rated ‘3’ are the ones you need to give some thought to and maybe tackle first. Of course, the person making the suggestions may be wrong and there are many things they might not know about you, your wants, your feelings and how you act in other ways. But don’t just dismiss what they say. Remember, they see you in ways you do not see yourself.
TELL ME ABOUT ME
How do I look in terms of my general appearance? (e.g. hair, dress, grooming)
How am I doing in terms of my health and well-being? (e.g. my diet, my drinking, my weight, my fitness)
How am I doing in terms of the people I associate with? (e.g. Am I a good friend? Have I got enough or too many friends? Do I see enough of friends and family and do they give enough back?)
How’s my living space? (e.g. Am I in the best place and does it suit my style, my needs and who I am?)
What about my hobbies and interests? (e.g. Am I active enough? Do I need new interests? Have I become boring? Am I stretching/ developing myself enough? (e.g. reading widely, taking an interest in the world))
Tell me about my work and career? (e.g. Am I in the right job? Do I need more training or qualifications? Am I aiming high enough? Am I valued in my job? Am I putting too much into my job? Or not enough?)
What have you learned? Are there areas where you thought you were coherent but are less so? These may be your areas for growth.
Coherence project 2 – time to watch my language
What you say, and how you say it, matters.
This project is all about the language you use and the impact it can have on your life, without you even knowing it. As we have seen earlier in flex, we often say one thing, yet mean another, or act in a manner that is incoherent. This project is about letting go of habitual references to the past in the language we use in our everyday talking – this is often where incoherence traps lurk. If we constantly talk about the past there is a risk that our past behaviours will be triggered by the words we use.
For one day why not experiment with noticing what has crept into your language? Your words can have a profound effect on how you feel, what you do and what you think. Your language and the way you verbally frame events and feelings can affect your thoughts and behaviour in surprising