Flex_ Do Something Different - Ben [55]
Coherence project 3 – doing the right things
When we’re incoherent we can spend large chunks of our life doing all sorts of things that we don’t really want to do – spending time with people who make us feel bad, persisting with projects that aren’t going anywhere, doing things that aren’t compatible with what we want – simply because we have always done them. If you are still chair of the PTA ten years after your children have left school, you may be able to relate to this. Or if you are going to reunions with people with whom you no longer have anything in common, it may be time to reconsider. And if you’re planning to get fit but are spending evenings slumped in front of the TV, your incoherence is manifest.
This project will help you prioritise and do a reality check of how you are spending your time. It will help to direct your efforts towards what you want and in that way help you become more coherent.
Many people put a lot of their energy into things that aren’t important for them or that aren’t giving them any satisfaction. Coherence is about deciding what your priorities are. And that may mean saying no to things that aren’t important.
Efficient, coherent people minimise the time they spend on things that don’t really matter. Are you spending too much time on the wrong things? Could you devote more time to the things that are compatible with the way you want to be? The first part of this project will help you decide what those important things are. The second part will kick-start you into sorting out your priorities and making time for the right things.
You may have heard the saying that ‘Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.’ Is that you?
Part 1 – finding out what’s important to me
Try this exercise: How would I like to be described years from now?
Imagine a time in the future when someone who knows you well is describing you to others at a party.
What would you like them to say about you? How do you want to be seen by others in the future? What types of things would you like them to highlight when they talk about you?
Fill in the blanks below. Aim high but don’t have fantasies, try and stick to things that could happen to you. Remember you’re looking ahead at how your life might be described by another person in the future.
I know this person called (your name here)
and s/he really is
You’d know him/her if you saw him/her because s/he looks
and always
S/he’s the kind of person who
And his/her really good points are
Other people find him/her
In the last few years s/he has
but his/her most significant achievement up until now is
S/he always has time for
S/he lives in a very … place
which
I’ve always admired how s/he values
and has always managed to
A few years ago she decided to
and s/he did this by
Once you’ve described the person you’d like to be, read it every day. This will help you to maintain the energy you need to reach your goal.
In this exercise you have described what you are aiming for in life. This is how you want to be in the future, the types of relationships you’ll have and the kind of person you’ll be – given your life situation. It’s your ideal self, what you should be working towards and aiming for. Are you on the way there? How big is the gap between where you are and where you want to be?
Remember, to make your life coherent with your dreams you’ve got to be in the driving seat. The next part of this project will help you do just that.
Part 2 – getting nearer to the me I want to be
Next try to reflect upon how you’ve passed your time this week. This will highlight where your priorities lie and what you spend the majority of your life doing.
It’s a useful exercise because we often say, ‘I just don’t know where the time goes’, and the more habitual we become the faster life seems to fly by.