Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [22]
NO HYMEN, NO RAPE
God help you if you’ve been raped and you’re not a virgin. Because apparently if you’ve slept with one guy, you want to sleep with them all. Remember our friend Bill Napoli on the only girl who should be able to get an abortion? The sodomized virgin? It’s kind of like that. An Italian court ruled in February 2006 that sexual abuse is less serious if the girl isn’t a virgin.4 Seriously. Now, obviously your sexual history has nothing to do with sexual assault, but somehow it’s always brought up. A study in the United Kingdom showed that a third of people believe that a woman is partially or totally responsible for being raped if she has been “flirtatious,” and one in five think she’s responsible if she’s had “many” sexual partners!5 In a case in California where a teen girl’s gang rape was videotaped, the defense team called her “trash” and a slut who wanted to make a “porn” video.6 Never mind that she was unconscious. Never mind that she was raped with a pool cue, a lit cigarette, a can, and a Snapple bottle. Never mind that during the attack, passed out, she urinated on herself. At the end of the first trial, the case was put on hold because of a hung jury.7 Now tell me that the slut-baiting doesn’t work. If you don’t fit into the “good girl” standard—or if people can convince others that you don’t—you’re in real trouble. If you’re a stripper, prepare to be disbelieved. If you’re a prostitute, forget it.
Just so you know: April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, and October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.
WOMEN SHOULD KNOW BETTER (MY PERSONAL FAVORITE)
This is the ultimate in victim-blaming: the all-encompassing “She should have known better.” Known better than to wear a skirt. Known better than to walk home alone. Known better than to be drinking. Known better than to be alone with a guy. The real danger of this whopper is that it plays on the guilt that rape victims feel—and that’s seriously fucked up. Not to mention, it pretty much ignores the rapist. It assumes that rape is inevitable, and that the onus should be on women to protect ourselves. What about the folks doing the raping? I guess they’re off the hook. Women (and men) have to know that there is nothing you can do that warrants being raped. Nothing. I don’t care if you’re a naked, drunk, passed-out prostitute. It doesn’t matter.
Thankfully, the rates of sexual assault are dropping (thanks in part to legislation enacted by feminists), but the culture of rape we live in keeps on trucking. This is one of the reasons feminism is so important. This isn’t about random acts of violence. This is about young men being brought up to look at women as less than human. Seriously, dehumanization is what makes people able to commit violence against each other.
That California rape case? Thankfully, guilty verdicts were handed down eventually. But the damage done to the young woman was irrevocable; she was completely dehumanized by the rape and by the legal system. Check out her statement to the judge.
❂ I cannot and don’t think I will ever be able to describe what I felt while watching that video. I remember asking myself, When did I become a piece of meat and not a human being to these men? They did things not even savage animals would do. They violated me in every way possible. . . . I was like a lifeless and feelingless doll that these men thought they could use and abuse in any way they wished.8
It’s easy to get angry; this is some horrible stuff. But we need to look past the anger and ask some tough questions. The young men who raped this woman were people she thought were her friends. They were teenagers. What kind of culture are we living in that breeds guys who think this is reasonable, even cool, behavior?
What to Do, What to Do?
A term that’s used by a lot of feminists and other folks to describe this