Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [44]
Of course, this is just one example—one particular show that happens to be a pet peeve of mine. But the message is everywhere: Women want to get married (even if they have to trick someone into it); men want to avoid it and get laid as much as possible. It’s Cosmo versus Playboy. Scary. And seriously, if I see one more quiz in a magazine that tells me how to tell if he likes me, I’m going to lose it.
Seriously, though, I used to be a bit of a magazine whore, so I understand no one is going to be giving up their Glamour anytime soon. (Though I must admit, Glamour and Marie Claire have gotten a lot better about covering “hard” issues recently.) Just a small suggestion: Try something a little different, like BUST or Bitch or Ms. They’re good, I swear. And no fucking annoying quizzes.
Another peeve. If we’re going to be subject to love and romance pretty much everywhere, could it at least be an accurate representation of coupledom? ’Cause somehow, in the fantasy world presented to us—beyond the white horses and princes and happily ever after—there are no gay people. Like, at all. Yeah, sure, there are cable shows depicting homolove, but the mainstream romantic image just isn’t same-sex. And don’t say Will & Grace; just don’t. One show does not a movement make. We’re making strides, that’s for sure. But until women’s mags start offering quizzes that tell you how to land your guy or gal, we’re still in la-la land. I think we can all recognize that.
If you’re still unconvinced that there’s an overload of (heteronormative) love in the air, just think about Valentine’s Day. ’Nuff said. Once those little cardboard hearts make their way into the drugstore windows, I start getting that sick feeling. You know, the feeling that whether you’re dating someone or not, February fourteenth is going to be one hell of an annoying day. Either you’re a pariah for not having a significant (opposite-sexed) other, or you’re subject to unrealistic romantic expectations. You know it’s true. It’s kind of like New Year’s Eve—you expect so much out of the holiday that it always turns out to be a massive disappointment. That said, I still like flowers. That’s why I’ve been known to buy myself an orchid on some V-Days. I frigging love orchids.
2006 Valentine’s Day retail sales were expected to be $13.7 billion.
So, we may not be able to escape the romance industry—unless we’re willing to forever give up television, magazines, movies, and everything else fun—but we can make decisions about how we live our dating life. And believe it or not, you can do it in a way that counteracts the annoying norm. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. And the truth is, doing anything that goes against the status quo is a step in the right direction. The most important thing? Do what feels right for you—not what everyone tells you is right.
Dating While Feminist
My friends and I love to discuss the ins and outs of feminist dating etiquette. It’s not easy dating while feminist! Whether it’s deciding who pays for dinner, who calls whom, or if your love interest is just too sexist to deal with, the road to feminist love is paved with obstacles. It’s probably the case that it’s as treacherous as nonfeminist love, but at least dating while feminist allows you to end up respecting yourself and the possibility of hanging out with a kick-ass significant other. Seriously, the coolest guys I’ve ever dated were the ones who were feminist-friendly, or even self-identified feminists.
My sister (who, shockingly, is also a feminist) and I used to joke that the easiest way to “test” a guy for dating appropriateness was to tell him you’re a feminist right off the bat. If he makes a hairy-armpit joke, he’s out. It’s cool if he’s curious, even better if he’s impressed. The most common response we’ve gotten across the board? “But you don’t look like a feminist!” Silly boys.