Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [6]
There’s nothing more hackneyed than the notion that feminists hate sex (but I guess if you buy the ugly, man-hating stereotype, hating sex follows). Feminists do it better ’cause we know how to get past all the bullshit.
Women’s sexuality is often treated like a commodity, a joke, or a sin. This is especially true for us younger women who end up getting totally screwed up by social influences telling us what “hot” or desirable behavior is. (Generally, it’s flashing boobs or faux-lesbian make-out sessions. Never been a fan of either.)
When you’re getting abstinence-only education during the day and Girls Gone Wild commercials at night, it’s not exactly easy to develop a healthy sexuality. You’re taught that sex before marriage is bad bad bad, but that if you want to be a spring-break hottie, you’d better start making out for the camera.
While these two messages are seemingly conflicting, they’re actually promoting the same idea—that young women can’t make their own decisions about sex. Whether it’s a teacher telling you not to or a cameraman telling you how to, having sex that’s about making yourself happy is a big no-no these days. Shit, you can’t even buy vibrators in some states!
To get unscrewed, you really need to take a close look at all the insane things stacked up against women having a good old time in bed. And after marveling at the ridiculousness of things like the sexual double standard and the faux-sexy crap that’s forced down your throat, you just learn to say fuck it.
Just (Don’t) Do It
Women are taught that we’re only supposed to have sex under these bizarre arbitrary guidelines: only if you’re married; only if it’s for procreation; and only with another girl if guys can watch. So unless you’re going to do it the way other people want, just don’t.
You’re a Dirty Lollipop
Nothing freaks me out/pisses me off more than abstinence-only education. Basically, it’s the most naive form of sex education you can get: Sex is bad, don’t have it until you’re married, contraception doesn’t work. Somehow educators think this will convince kids to not have sex. Compare that to comprehensive sex education that teaches abstinence but also makes sure that teens have medically correct information about contraception, STDs, and the like. It’s reality-based sex ed that understands that no matter how many scare tactics you throw at people, they’re still going to do what they want.
This isn’t to say that I think holding off on sex is bad—abstain all you want, ladies. But if you’re holding off, do it because you’re waiting to have sex on your own terms. And don’t not have sex because you think you’re worthless if you do—which is exactly what these classes are saying.
As it stands now, the government is spending $178 million a year to tell young women they’re big whores if they give it up,1 and various other untruths. Most (80 frigging percent)2 abstinence-only education programs give out false information about sex—all of it sexist, most of it bordering on the ridiculous.
The medical misinformation is not just untrue—it’s straight-up dangerous. For example, these programs teach not only that condoms don’t protect you from pregnancy or STDs and HIV, but that they could cause cancer.3 (Condom cancer?) After kids are exposed to this bullshit, they are less likely to use contraception—’cause it doesn’t work anyway, right? Because of abstinence-only education, we’re going to have a generation of sexual dum-dums.
It seems unfathomable, but, somehow, teaching the truth about sex and contraception is just too scary for some folks. Conservatives and right-wing religious groups think that it’s going to make us all slutty. I know proponents of the all-holy abstinence agenda bristle at the idea of girls being taught how to put a condom on a penis, even though studies show that real sex ed (you know—the kind that tells the truth) significantly reduces teenage girls’ STD rates. Not to mention comprehensive sex ed actually delays teen sex and ensures kids are making informed decisions. Isn’t that more important than