Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [62]
Boys Will Be Feminists
Can men be feminists? Hell yeah; I’ve been lucky in my life to be surrounded by feminist men (hi, Dad!) and I see the difference it makes, so I’m all for men joining in on the fun, and I believe we need male allies. But not everyone agrees. Some feminists think that the movement needs to be woman-centered, and I can understand this hesitancy to include men. There is a fear that they wouldn’t be willing to learn, and that they would try to take shit over, because they’re used to leading. I even have friends who take issue with men calling themselves feminists. They think that women need a word all their own, and that only someone who experiences life as a woman can truly understand feminism.
Check out the organisation Dads and Daughters, vvhose tagline read’s “making the world safe and fair for our daugters” www.dadsanddaughters.org. Awww.
So, some guys call themselves “pro-feminist” as a way to stand in solidarity with feminists without co-opting the word/movement. As far as I’m concerned, they can call themselves whatever they want, so long as they’re down to do the feminist work.
Self-identified pro-feminist blogger and academic Hugo Schwyzer says it’s imperative that men mentor other men in order to spread a nonsexist message.
❂ We owe it to them to make it clear that we have grown up with the same pernicious cultural influences that have taught us to objectify women. They need to know what tools we ourselves have used to change our behavior, and they need to know—in detail—how we live out egalitarian principles in our relationships with women. We can’t preach gender justice; we have to live it out in our actions and we have to be willing to do so publicly, as role models.5
Unfortunately, it’s not just men like Hugo who are trying to reach out to younger men.
Traditional Gender Roles on Crack
The same conservative messes that are telling young women that they have to be chaste, married, and popping out babies are telling young men that they have to be strong, be “soldiers.”
James Dobson, daddy of the terrifying conservative religious group Focus on the Family, wrote a book called Bringing up Boys in which he tells parents how to raise their male children. A lot of it is concerned with nurturing boys’ “natural” masculinity and making sure they don’t turn out to be homos. Seriously. The Focus on the Family website (which promotes Dobson’s book at every turn) says much the same thing:
❂ God designed boys to be more aggressive, excitable, and wild in their behavior. Despite the claims made a generation ago, boys are different. . . . To help a boy develop a healthy gender identity, make sure he receives appropriate affection, attention, and approval from his father (or, in the father’s absence, a trustworthy male role model).6
There’s even a section on “Countering Radical Feminism’s Agenda”!7 The idea is that boys need their “masculine” side praised and their “feminine” side quashed.
Is the Military the Ultimate in Masculinity?
I couldn’t write about men and masculinity without at the very least mentioning militarization and war. They’re all too tied up with each other not to talk about it. Something superfucked up that will give you a good idea of why I’d feel remiss if I didn’t write about militarization: During the Gulf War (and who knows how many other wars), Air Force pilots watched porn movies before they went off on bombing missions in an attempt to “psyche [sic] themselves up.”8 Ugh. But that’s par for the course for an institution that relies on the feminization of the enemy as a way to dehumanize them.
Feminists who study men and the military are quick to point out that the military itself is built on sexist ideals.