Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [63]
Even Amnesty International reports that women are disproportionately affected by war:
❂ [T]here is still a widespread perception that women play only a secondary or peripheral role in situations of conflict. . . . The use of rape as a weapon of war is perhaps the most notorious and brutal way in which conflict impacts on women. As rape and sexual violence are so pervasive within situations of conflict, the “rape victim” has become an emblematic image of women’s experience of war.
[W]omen and girls are targeted for violence, or otherwise affected by war, in disproportionate or different ways from men.10
Clearly, this is a huge issue, one that requires a lot more conversation than I can fit in this book. So this is just something to get you thinking.
Men Moving Forward
I think it’s clear that everything—from social norms to pop culture—presents an insanely limited definition of masculinity, one that not only does damage to men, but harms women as well. So what to do now?
Robert Jensen, a journalism professor at the University of Texas, argues that the whole concept of masculinity as we know it has to go, because it creates a life for men that is marked by “endless competition and threat” and a quest for control and domination:
❂ No one man created this system, and perhaps none of us, if given a choice, would choose it. But we live our lives in that system, and it deforms men, narrowing our emotional range and depth. It keeps us from the rich connections with others—not just with women and children, but other men—that make life meaningful but require vulnerability.11
Men’s lives are being damaged by sexism—we can’t separate it out from how sexism affects women. Because every time someone calls a guy a “pussy” or a “mangina,” every time someone tells a little boy not to “throw like a girl,” the not-so-subtle message is that there is something inherently wrong with being a woman. And that’s a message I think we could all live without.
11
BEAUTY CULT
Ugly is powerful. Nothing has quite the same sting. Especially for the ladies. None of us want to be ugly; in fact, we all would really like to be beautiful—and it’s killing us. Literally.
Whether we’re puking or not eating or cutting ourselves (or letting doctors do it), young women are at the center of the beauty cult. We run that shit. But when people talk about young women having eating disorders or getting plastic surgery, they often assume that we don’t know the consequences—health or otherwise. The sad truth is, young women do know. We just don’t care.
I had a friend who struggled with bulimia for years. She went the therapy route, checked herself into a clinic—all the stuff you’re supposed to do to get better. But she kept on bingeing and purging. When I asked her about it, she told me she knew this was unhealthy, she knew that this disease would likely kill her. But she didn’t care. She said, “I would rather live a shorter life as a skinny girl than a full life being fat.” That’s how powerful ugly is.
I liken it to wearing amazing high-heel shoes. They’re gorgeous, you know they make your legs look “better,” and you rock them everywhere you go. Never mind that they’re eating away at your feet and causing blisters that would make grown men faint. You suffer for beauty—or what beauty is supposed to be. We all do it in our own ways. And it’s fucking up a lot more than our feet.
Unrealistic beauty standards and the lengths we go to reach them are pretty personal for me. Like I’ve said before (damn you, Doug MacIntyre), I remember how utterly and completely miserable it is to hate the way you look. I’m not talking about just wishing you were better looking, but about absolutely hating yourself because of your appearance. And I remember what it’s like to be tortured because of