Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [64]
In 2006, the FDA lifted the ban on silicone breast implants after a fourtenn-year hiatus. Feminist organizations like NOW say that the implants have proven dangerous and that money and politics strumped women’s health in the decision.
I’m so ugly I can’t stand it. I have a big gross nose, pimples, hairy arms. I will never have a boy like me or a boyfriend. All of my friends are pretty and I will be the one with no one.
Mighty embarrassing, I know. Shockingly, boys did like me, and I did have a boyfriend eventually. But at the time I was sure I would go through life unloved because of what a nasty hag I was.
It’s been a long time since grade school, and these days I think I’m looking pretty damn good. But as feminist, secure, and confident as I am now, any time someone makes a comment about my “Italian nose” or some such thing that recalls old complexes, I’m right back where I was in junior high. I can admit it. Sometimes I think that feeling will never go away. But recognizing where it came from, why I felt so shitty about myself, made a big difference. Especially when I found out that the ways in which our society keeps women obsessed with their looks serve a gross sexist purpose. In the same way that we’re brought up by the media and influenced by cultural standards to think about men, relationships, and weddings constantly, we’re taught to be forever worried about our appearance. It’s a distraction, really. Just like a lot of the other shit I’ve been talking about. The more we’re worked up about how fat we are or how hot we want to be, the less we’re worried about the things that really matter, the things that will affect our lives.
Appearance as a Shut-the-Fuck-Up Tool
Nothing makes a gal clam up faster than someone telling her she’s ugly. Or telling her that the way she looks/dresses/ appears has some bearing on who she is as a person.
Another little anecdote: In 2006, I was invited to meet former President Clinton (!) with a bunch of other bloggers. I was all revved up and feeling pretty honored. My mom cried when I told her—seriously. For a little Italian girl from Queens whose parents didn’t go to college, this shit was a big deal. And while I’m a feminist, I’m also a bit of a fashionista, so naturally, what to wear was on my mind. After much thought, I settled on a cap-sleeve crewneck sweater and black pants. I thought I looked pretty good. But, always the stickler, I remember asking my friend Bill that morning—who was also attending the lunch—if he thought the outfit was appropriate. Thumbs up.
So you can imagine my surprise when, mere days after the event, certain websites and blogs started to comment about the way I looked in a group photo that was taken at the end of the meeting. Some commenters on websites remarked that I looked hot; some said I was ugly. Many made quips about my being an “intern.” Yeah, in reference to Monica Lewinsky. I guess having dark hair and being young in Clinton’s presence automatically makes you fodder for tasteless jokes.
There was one site in particular—Althouse1—where the comments got particularly nasty. Never being a girl to just take someone’s shit (I’m from Queens, remember?), I posted a sarcastic comment on the site, noting how lovely it was that women weren’t being judged for their looks anymore. And then the shitstorm began. You see, the law professor running the website, Ann Althouse, wasn’t too pleased that I had the nerve to speak up. She told me that it did appear as if I were “posing” (for a picture? Imagine!) and should therefore expect all sorts of nasty comments. Althouse then went on to write a whole new post called—you’re going to love this—“Let’s take a closer look at those breasts,” in which she accused me of “breastblogging.” Because Feministing’s logo is an ironic mudflap girl