Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [9]
No matter how smart and straight-up you are about wanting to have sex, if you’re choosing it, you’re making a mistake that could ruin your life, or you’re a big whore. Done and done. It’s no wonder that so many people would rather think of teen girls as victims unable to wrap their poor little heads around the complexities of sexuality.
The victim role is played out in a lot of ways, but the most blatant are seen in our existing consent laws. If you’re under a certain age, you can’t consent to sex. Period. Now, I’m not going to say that I think consent laws shouldn’t exist—clearly, there are plenty of creepy-ass pedophiles running around. But the way that the laws are implemented—not to mention the implication that young women can’t make their own decisions about their sexuality—is seriously flawed.
There’s a bill in Missouri, for example, that would require teachers, doctors, and nurses to report kids who are sexually active to a state abuse hotline.11 That’s right—have sex, get reported. The kicker? The law says that the sexually active teen need only be reported if they are unmarried. Ahem. Marriage is the ultimate Get Out of Jail Free card—sometimes literally—for teen sex. In a case in Nebraska in July 2005, charges were brought against a twenty-two-year-old man for having sex with a fourteen-year-old girl.12 A bunch of folks weren’t too happy about the charge because the “couple” was married after the girl became pregnant. How does a thirteen-year-old get married, you ask? Oh, her parents just took her over to Kansas, where kids as young as twelve can wed with their parents’ consent. Lovely.
The newest trend in anti-sex weirdness is“purity balls” a prom-like event where hirls as young as six pledge their chastity—to their dads. Creep.
Clearly, this case is fucked up in a thousand ways. But what really kills me about this was that a large part of the community in Nebraska was pissed that it had even been brought to court, because the guy had done “the right thing” by marrying her. So if you don’t get married you’re a rapist, but if you do you’re a stand-up guy? In either case, it seems to me the point of all this is to make sure that the girl in question (who has no real say in the matter) stays “pure.”
This kind of faux concern about teenage girls and sexual activity has nothing do with keeping girls safe. It’s about legislating morality and ensuring that someone—whether it be a parent, husband, or the state—is making decisions for young women. Because god forbid we make them ourselves.
Just Do It (If You’re So Inclined)
I was serious about feminism making me better in bed. You can’t be good in that department unless you get past the anti-sex nonsense, and feminism allows you to do just that.
Feminism tells you it’s okay to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself. Because when it comes down to it, what’s more powerful and important than being able to do what you want with your body without fear of being shamed or punished?
Feminism teaches responsibility. You can’t really enjoy yourself sexually if you don’t have all the facts and aren’t being safe. While conservative programs are doing their best to make sure that you stay in the dark about contraception, feminists are fighting to make sure that you have access to the information and resources you need to have safe sex.
And perhaps most important, feminism wants you to have fun. Sex isn’t just about having babies after all, despite what young women are being taught.
“At Risk,” My Ass
In itself, the act of having sex is considered irresponsible by some. These days, calling a teen “sexually active” is code for “troubled” or “at risk” (though if they’re a product of abstinence-only education,