Full Frontal Feminism_ A Young Women's Guide to Why Feminism Matters - Jessica Valenti [10]
But really, what could be more responsible than taking control of your body by making informed decisions about your sexuality? What’s really irresponsible is telling young women there’s something wrong with having sex. Naturally, just calling yourself responsible doesn’t quite cut it. I know it’s annoying, but sometimes you have to get off your ass and do something.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR HEALTH
❂ Get thee to a gyno! Get regular checkups—no one wants a sick vagina, after all.
❂ If you’ve been subjected to abstinence-only education, get out there and find comprehensive information on sex (and pass it around to your friends!). Planned Parenthood is a great place to start; its website has a ton of information: www.plannedparenthood.com.
❂ Use protection. If you’re having straight sex, use two forms of contraception if you don’t want to get preggers. One of them must be condoms. Always. Every time.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PARTNERS
❂ Love and attraction are curious things, and there aren’t many women who don’t have at least one partner they regret. But that doesn’t mean we can’t at least try to choose wisely. I never liked the word “promiscuity,” because it’s defined as having sex indiscriminately. So have sex with whoever you like, and as many people as you like, but I think we can all afford to be a bit discriminating.
❂ Don’t have sex with someone who won’t use protection.
❂ Don’t have sex with someone who is anti-choice—they have no respect for your body or your ability to make decisions for yourself.
❂ Don’t have sex with someone who doesn’t respect your physical and emotional boundaries.
❂ Don’t have sex with Republicans. (Okay, that one is just mine.)
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR CHOICES
❂ There’ll be plenty on this later, but it’s worth mentioning. As you probably know already, when it comes to the rights we have over our bodies, shit is going downhill. There are plenty of young women who don’t have access to contraception and abortion. This is unacceptable. Fight the good fight in your schools, community, wherever, to make sure that you have as many choices as possible when it comes to your reproductive rights.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OTHER WOMEN
❂ We’re all in this together, ladies—so help your fellow woman out. Whether it’s taking a friend to get birth control, helping someone come out, or even just not calling other girls nasty names—it makes a huge difference.
See—now no one can give you shit! On to the fun stuff.
From The Joy of Sex to Joyless Sex
Can someone tell me when sex became such a goddamn downer? You would think from the way people talk about it these days that intercourse is a potential epidemic—teen girls running around like junkies trying to get a quick dick-fix.
No doubt, there are serious consequences to sex. But if you’re well informed and being responsible, what’s the problem? We need to get beyond the politics, the religious guilt trips, and the moral tsk-tsking and start to remember that sex is a good thing. A great thing. Perhaps the best thing ever.
Someone handed me a sticker at a women’s rights march once. It said: I FUCK TO COME NOT TO CONCEIVE. I can’t find that sticker and I want it back! Because what’s been lost in this whirlwind of abstinence-only, married-only, straight-only nonsense is pleasure. I don’t know about you, but when I have sex it’s because it feels good, not because I’m gearing up to knit some booties.
But there are plenty of people out there—powerful ones—who want you to forget that. Take this nut job, for example: Former Senate candidate Alan Keyes once called homosexuality “selfish hedonism,” because gay sex isn’t for popping out kids; it’s just about feeling good. (The horror!) The fact that someone could outright say that it’s a bad thing to have sex because it’s fun is beyond ridiculous. Because that’s the one thing we all have in common. Whether we’re married, single, gay, young, whatever—we all want to have orgasms. Unless you’re Alan Keyes, I guess.
That