Games People Play_ The Psychology of Human Relationships - Eric Berne [49]
One of the most unfortunate and acute forms of Third-Degree ‘Rapo’ occurs relatively frequently between homosexual strangers, who in a matter of an hour or so may bring the game to a point of homicide. The cynical and criminal variations of this game contribute a large volume to sensational newspaper copy.
The childhood prototype of ‘Rapo’ is the same as that of ‘Frigid Woman’, in which the little girl induces the boy to humiliate himself or get dirty and then sneers at him, as classically described by Maugham in Of Human Bondage and, as already noted, by Dickens in Great Expectations. This is Second Degree. A harder form, approaching Third Degree, may be played in tough neighbourhoods.
Antithesis. The man’s ability to avoid becoming involved in this game or to keep it under control depends on his capacity to distinguish genuine expressions of feeling from moves in the game. If he is thus able to exert social control, he may obtain a great deal of pleasure from the mild flirtations of ‘Kiss Off’. On the other hand it is difficult to conceive of a safe antithesis for the Potiphar’s Wife manoeuvre, other than checking out before closing time with no forwarding address. In 1938 the writer met an ageing Joseph in Aleppo who had checked out of Constantinople thirty-two years previously, after one of the Sultan’s ladies had cornered him during a business visit to the Yildiz harem. He had to abandon his shop, but took time to pick up his hoard of gold francs, and had never returned.
Relatives. The male versions of ‘Rapo’ are notoriously found in commercial situations: ‘Casting Couch’ (and then she didn’t get the part) and ‘Cuddle Up’ (and then she got fired).
ANALYSIS
The following analysis refers to Third-Degree ‘Rapo’ because there the elements of the game are more dramatically illustrated.
Aim: Malicious revenge.
Roles: Seductress, Wolf.
Dynamics (Third Degree): Penis envy, oral violence. ‘Kiss Off’ is phallic, while ‘Indignation’ has strong anal elements.
Examples: (1) I’ll tell on you, you dirty little boy. (2) Wronged woman.
Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.
Adult (male): ‘I’m sorry if I went further than you intended me to.’
Adult (female): ‘You have violated me and must pay the full penalty.’
Psychological Paradigm: Child-Child.
Child (male): ‘See how irresistible I am.’
Child (female): ‘Now I’ve got you, you son of a bitch.’
Moves: (1) Female: seduction; Male: counter-seduction. (2) Female: surrender; Male: victory. (3) Female: confrontation; Male: collapse.
Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological – expression of hatred and projection of guilt. (2) External Psychological – avoidance of emotional sexual intimacy. (3) Internal Social – ‘Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch’. (4) External Social – ‘Ain’t It Awful’, ‘Courtroom’, ‘Let’s You and Him Fight’. (5) Biological – sexual and belligerent exchanges. (6) Existential – I am blameless.
4 · THE STOCKING GAME
Thesis. This is a game of the ‘Rapo’ family; in it the most obvious characteristic is the exhibitionism, which is hysterical in nature. A woman comes into a strange group and after a very short time raises her leg, exposing herself in a provocative way, and remarks, ‘Oh my, I have a run in my stocking.’ This is calculated to arouse the men sexually and to make the other women angry. Any confrontation of White is met, of course, with protestations of innocence or counter-accusations, hence the resemblance to classical ‘Rapo’. What is significant is White’s lack of adaptation. She seldom waits to find out what kind of people she is dealing with or how to time her manoeuvre. Hence it stands out as inappropriate and affects her relationships with her associates. In spite of some superficial ‘sophistication’, she fails to understand what